This is the very condensed version of all of the books. It is much more detailed than the summaries. It was written in hopes to clear up any confusion or things that people may have missed. If you don't want any surprise parts of the books spoiled, don't read it first.



EVIL Elementary through the Albuquerque Saga:

Molly, the wayward time traveler, met Ringo the Eternally Happy during a performance of the Leonardo Traveling Troupe Spectacular Clown Quartet. During the Dance of Eternal Happiness, to be exact. And, as the story so typically goes, they fell in love. But marriage would have to wait. And wait it did until that fateful night when John, a fellow member of the clown quartet, was murdered. Rather than become a trio, the remaining clowns split up. Paul and George were free to set up their own company in Hawaii, and Ringo was free to marry Molly. Little did they know what the future would bring.

Soon, the happy couple found themselves with a family. Ann and Roses, twin girls, were the oldest, followed by their adopted brother Roseidous, and their biological brother, John. The other three hated John because he was Ringo's favorite. He got all of the attention, and all of the toys. Sibling rivalry grew, as did a rivalry between Molly and Ringo. The unhappy family was about to be split apart. But not like you think. One day, in the middle of an argument, Ringo and Molly got in the old time machine. They were going back in time to determine who was right. Old Betsy exploded, and the bodies were never found. Ann, Roses, John, and Roseidous were sent to various foster families in their own neighborhood.

Somehow, life went on, and the kids continued to attend EVIL Elementary School with all of their friends. When Roses, Ann, and Roseidous were in their last year at EVIL Elementary, the unthinkable happened. A memory potion in Professor Snape's fifth grade class went horribly wrong, and the entire population of the school lost their memories. The families moved away from the town and never spoke of the incident to their children. Roseidous with his foster family, Roses in Clyattville, and Ann with the Chovis had no memory of their parents, friends, or even each other. But again, life went on.

John was doing well, too. Or at least until he decided to run away to find his destiny. He ran to New Jersey and met Ian and Silent Jim, two friends who pledged to be loyal to him forever. John then went to Colorado, where he discovered his old house and Molly's maiden name. He didn't know why he was drawn to the house because he didn't remember it, but it was somehow important. He eventually ended up at Evil School, a different one, in another dimension. He, along with his classmates, was trained in the art of evil and in how to take over the world. The class had an interesting year, including the Pan-Evil Prom, several 'incidents,' and graduation. The students were sent out into the real world, under the careful watch of Randall, Director of Evil Human Resources.

John really was brilliant. Ringo had fed him experimental food as a baby. That's why he was only a year behind Roses and Ann at school and why he graduated at the top of his class. John teamed up with his girlfriend, Ebony Trester, and together they created an army of robots. They also created a baby, but that's a story best left untold. John, the evil mastermind; Ebony, the technological genius; and the robot army were prepared to make their teachers proud and take over the world. They just needed an opportunity. And they got one.

While John was at Evil School, something strange was happening. Some of the children whose memories were erased moved to the same town. They realized their odd connection and became friends again. Roses arrived in their high school her senior year, and quickly joined in the group just in time for Spring Break. Roseidous' birthday happened to be during Spring Break that year. He introduced Roses to his secret lab in the desert and announced his own plans to take over the world. Roses helped him in the creation of an army of Tyrael clones to take over Albuquerque, and in the plan to kidnap a community leader, Jeff, to command the army. Unfortunately, Tyrael escaped with help from Tails, Fitey, Dahjo, Yoda, and a sexy orange hat. He flew to the planet Whydontyoueatyourveggies and spoke to the all-knowing Tangerine Hologram Watch. It told him how to defeat Roses and Roseidous, and he did so. He had a little help from Jeff, though. Jeff deleted everyone.

This was John's great opportunity. He and Ebony would go to Albuquerque while everyone else was occupied, and then make their own army take over the world. But John didn't figure that his robots would be deleted, too. He went crazy (got stupid), and fought with Ebony. She left him and moved to Clyattville, where she gave birth to Katherine. Ebony wanted to get back at John, so she tried to genetically age Katherine to ten years old. Katherine could then live with John and make his life miserable. But there was a mistake in the experiment, and Katherine only reached age five before disappearing to another dimension. Or so Ebony thought. Katherine ended up in EVIL elementary as a kindergartener while Ebony and John were in fifth grade. Technically, Katherine did annoy John every day, fulfilling Ebony's dream. But she didn't know that Katherine was her daughter then, and didn't remember anyone named Katherine because of the memory potion, and….time travel is confusing. Anyway, John moved to a cave in the woods and began to gather his allies.



The RHTRCJPB Saga through Plan Take Over the World:

Everyone back in Albuquerque survived the deletion and headed back to school. Everyone except Roses. She was tangled in Roseidous really weird hair and couldn't get out. Cait, meanwhile, was enjoying his own school's Spring Break. He decided to go visit Roseidous and make fun of him. He quickly realized that Roses was trapped and called for help. What he got was his friend TAS-man, a self-proclaimed superhero with an addiction to Mountain Dew. They worked together all day, causing commotions in the halls, and then left early because TAS's Mommy made cookies.

Roseidous and the others got detention for the problems TAS caused and settled in for a long afternoon. Tyrael and Roseidous amused themselves with the "Throw Pens at Holli Game." Roses got annoyed and rescued herself. Bunny, the class pet, died, the fourth-dimensional being Crayak showed up, and they all met Jaina, the only other person in detention. Roseidous' hair turned into a portal to another dimension. The entire group landed in a non-reality version of Clyattville. Roses, being from the real Clyattville, took charge and they were soon rescued by TAS-man and Cait-Dog. Roses moved to Budapest and vowed never to be involved with Roseidous and his stupid plans ever again. But she couldn't escape forever.

Ann Chovi had been very busy. She had an Oreo recipe, a cousin named Jan, a map to Atlantis, and her very own Moonbase, complete with computer specialist and accountant. She met a girl named Roses on a routine trip to Budapest and the two quickly became best friends. Roses decided to have a sleepover for all of the girls. They began by playing prank phone calls on Nothlit at work, and he invited them all over. They flew Ann's spaceship to the bookstore and chaos ensued. Roseidous and Pen fell into another inter-dimensional portal and the group set out to rescue Pen. Roses refused to go, only to show up later with TAS and Cait for a dramatic rescue. Roseidous brought back his fortune from his kingdom (don't ask) and immediately bought a fortress and made some supermodel clones. TAS and Cait opened a Pizza Delivery Service at TAS's Mommy's house and hired Yoda and Nothlit along with the new guy, Todd.

The Tri-Leaders through The Good, The Bad, The Abnormal:

Sitting around in his fortress all day began to give Roseidous ideas. He decided to attempt to conquer the world again and recruited Ann and Roses to help. They became the Tri-Leaders and their weapon of choice was a genetically altered Oreo cookie. Roses bought a camp and some coalmines in the woods; they hired associates, and agreed to train the Junior Tri-Leaders: Holli, Tails, and Tyrael. Things were going great for them, but they were going great in another part of the woods, too. John also had a host of allies, and the stage was set for a showdown on Main Street. Both sides claimed victory. The Tri-Leaders and John became mortal enemies and promised to destroy each other.

In a temporary moment of insanity, Roseidous invited everyone over to the fortress to show off his new machine. Didn't he know any better? Of course, the worst happened, and everyone ended up in his or her own alternate dimension. (Aren't we tired of this yet?) The separate universes broke down and combined into one. Roseidous found himself on a strange planet where the women were in charge. He, along with his fellow male prisoners, staged a rebellion and managed to escape. They all returned to the real world, which wasn't any better for Roseidous. At Roses' party, he was arrested and put on trial for certain crimes. Luckily, the real culprit, Richard Simmons, was found and plead guilty. The group then got together for a campfire in the woods and shared made-up stories about their lives.



The Saga of John, Lord of Darkness (dum dumm duummm!!!) through The Saga of John…1.5: The Return of John

John had an idea. He would create a video game called Crapomon and through it, take over the world. He got help from Ian, Silent Jim, and his new ally named Ilinana. Ili is really Fitey's split personality and she has five pets that can transform into any animal of their choice. Katherine also agrees to help John, but she and Fitey end up telling the Tri-Leaders about the plan. The Tri-Leaders send Holli, Tails, and Tyrael on a mission to stop John. They are caught, and Ili gets some water guns from Pam that can turn people into stone. But the Junior Tri-Leaders escape and John is the one turned to stone. Ian accidentally blows up his entire Crapomon supply, ruining the plan. Ilinana, as punishment, has to carry John around for a few months.

The Tri-Leaders celebrate their defeat and happily fly off to Ann's Moonbase for Christmas. They exchange presents, have some special eggnog, and surprisingly must save Christmas. No, they didn't give Santa too many cookies, what are you talking about? Anyway, after the New Year, Ili gets the potion to un-freeze John. John's new brilliant idea is to find the Tangerine Hologram Watch and ask it how to take over the world. The Tri-Leaders discover his plan and hurry to stop him. Katherine also comes along. John is kidnapped by the Annoying Parents before the Tri-Leaders can get there. But Ian saves them, and it becomes a race to the watch. John wins and the watch does tell him how to take over the world. Then he kills the watch because he doesn't want Roses to find out how to stop him.



Rosey's Birthday Book through the Newlywed Game

Back on Earth, the other Tri-Leaders plan a surprise party for Roseidous' birthday. They sneak into the Fortress and set everything up during the night. Holli, Tails, and Tyrael even kidnap Sally. All of the associates arrive, and the party is a success. To celebrate the success, the Tri-Leaders plan a surprise party for Holli. John finds out that the Tri-Leaders are doing something, and assumes it is for his birthday. To appease him, the Tri-Leaders tell him about Project X, Version One. (Yes, that implies that there is a Version Two). Holli thinks that everyone has forgotten her birthday and goes driving in town for the first time with Billy Jo. The Tri-Leaders round up the associates and Pizza Boys, who already know about the party, thanks to Sally's inability to keep a secret. Luckily, Holli doesn't find out and the party is a great surprise.

Roses and Roseidous go off to visit various relatives in the same town. They don't know it, but Holli and Tails do. The two girls set up the couple on a blind date. At the Chuck E. Cheese, the cashier gives the Tri-Leaders a strange drink. In a drunken state, Roseidous proposes to Roses and she accepts. Everyone helps to plan the wedding and the bridal shower. Tyrael was going to be the stripper, but Roseidous told him no. Ann unknowingly hires Ian to take his place. Tyrael become jealous and, with the help of a cartoon airplane named Jetter, he kidnaps Ian and Silent Jim and impersonates them. Tyrael also meets John, Lord of Darkness (dramatic reverb), the other John's effeminate neighbor. Ian and Jim return in time to appear at the bridal shower, expose Jetter's disguise, and find out the location of the wedding. Ian and Jan's attempt to ruin the bachelor party fails when the boys go off to a stripper convention.

The wedding takes place at the Viva Las Vegas Wedding Chapel. After getting lost, the boys finally arrive at the hotel and must sneak through the girls' room. Bubba completely wrecks the ceremony and they are kicked out. Roses is angry, but agrees to have the wedding in the alley next to the chapel. They actually go through with the marriage, much to everyone's surprise and despite John's attempts to stop it. Roseidous and Roses drive off for their honeymoon, a trip to the Newlywed Game Show.

Tails marries Tyrael, Holli marries Nothlit, and Ann marries Todd, for some unknown reasons. They decide to be contestants on the same show. Katherine recruits OMEGA to be her partner for the game. John kidnaps the host and takes over the position. He reveals secrets that turn the couples against each other. But the Tri-Leaders tie him up and throw him in the coal mines. Everyone gets the marriages annulled. Good idea.



To the Barricades! through John, Lord of Darkness (dum dumm duummm!!!): The Novel

The Tri-Leaders quickly get tired of John stirring up trouble in the coal mines. They kick him out and he returns to his cave. It is now time for him to fulfill the mission given to him by the Tangerine Hologram Watch. He will take over the world based on his favorite musical, Les Miserables. Watch the entire cast sing and dance! John sets up a barricade at the Morphz message board. Katherine pretends to work for him, but really is sharing information with the Tri-Leaders. John reveals that he is her father. (No, don't ask that. He does know. Remember, Katherine was born after they lost their memories.) The Tri-Leaders go to Jeff's house to convince him to take charge and delete the barricade. He refuses. Everyone realizes this will be a real battle.

Later that day, the two sides gather at the barricade. Katherine goes to visit John's side, and Ian reveals that she is a traitor. The first round ends with a victory for John, his allies, and the freed coal miners. But not without losses. On the Tri-Leader side, several clones and associates have been frozen with the water guns (look, they're back!) and Sally has been popped. On John's side, the Trix Rabbit is dead because of a stray Oreo. Early the next morning, both sides are ready for battle again. Just when it seems that John is going to win, Jeff shows up with the Morphz boardies. They defeat John, and he goes insane. Like he wasn't already.

To celebrate the victory, the Tri-Leaders go to Hawaii. They meet up with the Pizza Boys who have moved to the islands. But someone else is on vacation, too. John is there. After taking some tours and visiting Katherine's house, everyone goes to a teenage dance club. The club is owned by two clowns, George and Paul. Roses hasn't been acting like herself the entire trip, and instead of fighting with John at the club, she is prepared to take everyone home early. Before she can get to the door, a strange song plays. It is the song of the Dance of Eternal Happiness, and they can't help but do the dance. All of their memories from EVIL elementary return. Roses, Ann, Roseidous, and John realize they are related to each other.

Back home, John is still depressed from his loss at the barricade. He sends his allies to see what the Tri-Leaders are up to. The Tri-Leaders are planning a Prom. Roseidous accidentally sends Goober an invitation, and John finds out. He threatens to invite people the Tri-Leaders hate unless they cancel the dance. The Tri-Leaders attempt to get his only proof-the invitation-back. To do this, they call the Justice League. The League fails their mission, and the Tri-Leaders must try something else to avoid Richard Simmons. Tyrael comes up with the idea to invite John to the Prom. He accepts. Prom night goes perfectly until Holli's prank humiliates John in front of everyone. He returns to his cave, now determined to get revenge.

A few weeks later, Jeff shows up at Camp Milk and Cookies. Someone has taken away his control of Morphz, and they suspect that it's John. It is indeed John, who is moving to take over Albuquerque with his new army of Hot Dog Men. His secret plan is really to delete Albuquerque, which is the center of the universe. Who knew? If he does this, it will negate all existence. His allies are horrified when they find out, and most abandon him. The Justice League and the Pizza Boys figure out how to destroy the Hot Dog Men. The Tri-Leaders arrive just in time to stop John. He returns to his normal self and they welcome in the New Year.