The spaceship cruised over the stormy ocean towards what appeared to be a gigantic rock formation. Lightning flashed dramatically and revealed that the vague shape was not rocks, but a castle. The fortress looked so similar to the rocks it was built on, that it seemed to be part of them. Around the base were various docks and entrances, but there was no sign of any activity. The entire island was still in the surrounding storm, and might have been abandoned, except for the blinking red light on top of the highest tower.

“Bring the ship down on the roof of the top level. That’s what he told me,” the pilot of the spaceship said.

“I hope you can see it through all this rain,” the co-pilot responded, peering out of the front window. “Why he called for us tonight, during a thunderstorm, is beyond me.”

“Because he can.”

The pilot guided the ship carefully through the towers and turrets and executed a textbook landing in the center of the roof. They worked quickly to shut the computer systems down and prepared to go outside. On the roof, a lone figure in a hooded raincoat waited under the overhang of a door. Face hidden by the large coat, he gestured for them to follow. They were led downstairs and through a labyrinth of hallways to a room with a fireplace and a single desk. Quite a few boxes were piled in the corner, but otherwise, the room was empty. The fire provided the only light.

“You will wait here,” said the person, in a clearly feminine voice, and closed the door behind her.

The visitors looked at each other with surprise, but turned their attention to the room. One sat at the desk and searched through some of the drawers. The other stepped over to read the labels on the boxes.

After only a few moments, the door opened again, and the owner of the fortress entered.

“I see you made it,” he said, and then noticed what they were doing. “Get out of my stuff! And get away from those boxes!”

The two guests complied with the orders and stood together in front of the desk. He walked around behind it to sit in the chair. Immediately, he leapt up again.

“Roses! You got my chair wet!”

They looked at each other again, and this time, started laughing.

“It’s raining outside, Rosey, didn’t you know?” Ann shook her arms, flinging water all over the room.

“Ack! Stop!” he protested, then gestured at someone behind them.

“May I take your coats?” asked a cheerful voice.

Roses spun around and shrieked.

Ann quickly turned, too. “Cindy Crawford! What are you doing here? You don’t work for him!”

“No, no, of course not,” Roseidous waved his hand to dismiss her, and she left, but not before helping them take off their coats.

The two girls turned back to Roseidous, questioning looks on both their faces.

He smiled proudly. “She’s a clone. I have more, want to meet them?”

“Not really,” Roses looked around the room. “Isn’t there somewhere else we can go? Preferably somewhere that has chairs for us?”

“Sure, just thought you’d like to see the office.”

“Save the tour for another time. Do you have any snacks?”

He sighed. “The kitchen it is.”

***

“So…” Roses poured everyone a glass of milk. “How long have you been here?”

“Since we came back from the island. I told you I was going to buy a fortress.” Roseidous grabbed some paper plates for their pizza. “I’m just in the process of re-decorating it.”

“We see.” Ann moved aside a stack of fabric samples to set down her backpack. “I brought Oreos!”

“Oreos?”

“She makes her own.” Roses got the pizza out of the microwave and brought it to the table. “Where did you get this, anyway? There’s not a pizza place in town.”

“From TAS and Cait’s new Pizza Shop. TAS’s Mommy really let them start one in the garage. Oh, and you’ll never guess who’s working for them now.”

“Who?”

“Well, since Fitey ran off somewhere, and since Dahjo moved away, Yoda didn’t have that alliance to be in anymore. You remember how they helped Tails and Tyrael defeat us in Albuquerque.”

“Yes, of course I remember. So he works for TAS now?”

“Yep, and Nothlit wired a whole game system thing in TAS’s room for when they’re not busy. His Mommy said it was okay. I’m gonna go play it one day.”

“Whatever you say.” Ann grabbed a piece of pizza. “Anchovies? Roseidous!”

“What?”

“Nevermind,” she began picking them off, one by one.

“Now, to discuss business.” Roses began, and then paused to look at Roseidous. “What exactly *is* our business here? You’re the one who invited us.”

“I have a proposition for you.”

She raised her eyebrows. “We’re listening.”

He paused and lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Let’s take over the world.”

“Again?!”

“Yes, again!”

“The three of us?” Ann asked, and he nodded. “Why us?”

“Because you’re a technological genius, I can be the sexy, rich, evil villain, and…and…um…Roses would hurt us if she wasn’t invited?”

“True.” Roses agreed.

“Okay, I’m interested. Continue.” Ann took a cookie and sat back.

“Er…Continue?”

“Yes. How do you plan to take over the world? Because the Tyrael clones at Albuquerque certainly weren’t successful. I heard all about that.”

“I didn’t…exactly…come up with…” he shifted nervously in his seat, but then he noticed the cookies. “ … Oreos!”

“You didn’t exactly come up with Oreos?” Ann repeated. “No, I’m afraid that was me.”

“No! I mean, we’ll use them to take over the world. It’s brilliant!”

“I’m not following.” Roses said.

“Ann, you have a Moonbase, right?”

“Yes, but-“

“A Moonbase with a lab that could theoretically alter said cookies?”

“You have a point. They could be chemically altered to affect the people who eat them by…”

“Turning them into animals!” Roseidous said triumphantly. “There you have it!”

“Wait.” Roses stood up and paced the length of the kitchen. “You’re saying that we force people who don’t obey us to eating chemically enhanced Oreos?”

“Yes! I knew we needed you for something! You can organize our ideas!”

“Lucky me.”

“But what about people who won’t eat them?” Ann wondered.

They thought silently for a minute until Roses spoke up. “I know a guy who can get us some coal mines. They come with a camp in the woods.”

“Throw them in the coal mines!” Ann cheered. “…oh, sorry. I always wanted to say that. We need a good name, you know.”

“Already thought of it.” Roseidous said. “Tri-Leaders.”

“What?”

“Idiot teenagers with a-no, just Tri-Leaders.”

“It does have sort of a ring to it.” Ann considered.

Roses nodded. “Tri-Leaders it is, then. What’s our first official order of business?”

Silence again. Then, “Oh! I know!”

“Another brilliant idea? You better watch out, Rosey, you’ll run out.”

He ignored her. “We need to hire associates to work for us! Because my clones aren’t going to be doing any physical labor, of course. And they won’t want get dirty in the coal mines.”

“I have Stan and Al.” Ann offered.

“Who?”

Roses grinned. “Stan is a ferret/weasel. Ann met him a long time ago. He’s a computer genius and good with security systems. Plus, he’s from Spain. He likes Cheez Crackers and giggles a lot.”

“I didn’t want to date him, but okay. Who is Al?”

“A two-headed monkey robot,” Ann said, proudly. “I programmed him. He likes math and cooking. His other head likes gambling.”

“Odd combination.”

“Somehow, it works.”

“He could be our accountant, I suppose,” Roses said. “But those two are just a start. We need people to do the dirty work.”

“You mean assassins? Hitmen?”

“Something like that.”

“We can’t kill people. Too messy.” Ann frowned.

“No, no killing. But something.”

“Well.” Roseidous stood up. “I have to go check the mail. I’m supposed to be getting a---getting something. You call the guy and find out about the coal mines. I’ll be in touch.”

He left through one of the many doors, and a Tyra Banks clone came to escort the girls back to the roof.

“You’re all just creepy.” Roses told her, but she only smiled.

***

The Tri-Leaders stared. A few weeks had passed, they were in the process of interviewing potential associates, and the newest candidate had just finished his presentation. He watched them nervously, yet hopefully.

Roses was the first to regain her voice. “Um…well…we’ll get back to you,” she nodded at the nearest clone to escort him out.

Ann and Roseidous kept staring. Roses picked up her pencil and wrote ‘Absolutely Not’ next to the man’s name.

Ann finally spoke. “I didn’t know you could *do* that with a stapler, some mosquitoes, and a strawberry cheesecake. That’s just wrong and not right.”

“Apparently so,” Roses sighed. “At least he’s the last one for the day, right, Rosey?”

“Hmm?” he was still staring.

Roses picked up her glass of milk and poured it over his head. “I said he’s the last one for today, right? Pay attention when I’m talking to you.”

“Yes, that’s all. And you didn’t have to do that. Now I’ll have to take a shower.” Roseidous glared at her and reached for some paper towels.

“Good, because I don’t think-” she was interrupted by the doorbell. She tilted her head to the side. “What is that?”

“I programmed it to play Barry White, why?”

“No reason.”

A different clone, wearing surprisingly little, entered the room. Roses didn’t remember her name, but she was one of those Victoria’s Secret models. “It’s Holli, Tails, and some boy at the Dread Portal.”

“Holli and Tails again? They’ve been here every day this week!” Roses stood up and marched towards the door. “They just won’t quit!”

Ann followed her. “You have to admit, at least they’re persistent.”

Roses pushed the button to automatically open the door and stormed out onto the docks. “What do you want this time?”

The two girls did not seem intimidated by her or by the Dread Portal. The portal was the main entrance to the fortress. It was a giant figure of the Grim Reaper’s head carved out of the solid rock. The doorway was located in Death’s mouth. Roses thought it looked somewhat like the mask from that Scream movie, but she wasn’t going to say anything to Roseidous.

Holli grinned. “We brought a friend with us! To show him the fortress!”

“Did you?” Ann peered around Holli and Tails to see the person hiding behind them. “Who would want to…Tyrael? Is that you?”

He nodded miserably. He couldn’t actually talk, as his mouth was duct-taped shut. His hands were handcuffed together and his feet were tied with ropes.

“What did you do?” Roses demanded.

“We were only trying to be evil like you and Ann! So that we can work for you! All we did was tie him to a tree.” Holli pointed at the leaves in his hair.

“And then we duct-taped a chicken to him.” Tails added, also pointing, but at the feathers.

“Um…did you hurt the chicken?” Ann asked.

“No, it’s fine. Nervous, but not hurt.”

“There is so very much that is wrong with that.” Roseidous joined them on the dock.

“We did a good job, didn’t we?” Holli looked at them expectantly. “It’s evil enough, right?”

“And we’ll do whatever you want. You can teach us anything!” Tails grinned. “And see, Roses? It’s two girls and a guy, just like the Tri-Leaders.”

Roses considered. “You really want to work for us that much?”

They nodded.

“And you’re not going to give up, are you?”

Roses looked at Ann, who shrugged. “Why not?”

They both turned to Roseidous. He glanced at Tyrael, then back at the four girls. “Er…maybe?”

“Then it’s settled.” Roses said. “You will be the Junior Tri-Leaders, and we will train you. You can stay at the camp we just bought on the other side of town. We’ll all go visit it tomorrow and see what needs to be fixed up.”

“And just who is going to train them?” Ann whispered to Roses as the girls cheered.

“Our associates, of course, as soon as we can find some.” Roses whispered back.

“Ah.”

“Well, it was nice to see you all today. But now I have some…things…to attend to. I’ll meet you at camp tomorrow!” Roseidous hurried back inside and slammed the Dread Portal.

“What’s that all about?” Tails asked, steering Tyrael back towards their boat.

“I have no idea.” Ann got out her remote for the spaceship, and they could hear it powering up on the roof. “But he did get a package in the mail today. Maybe he’s creating more clones or something.”

***

“I don’t even want to know what this is.” Roses held up…something…and dropped it in the trash bag Ann was holding. “At least we got most of the trash out of the kitchen earlier. Plenty of room for a lunch break now.”

Ann nodded. “Want me to go call for a pizza?”

“Sure. I can finish up in here.”

Ann started to leave, but someone else blocked the doorway.

“Good morning! It’s such a wonderful day!” Roseidous announced.

“Not so wonderful if you’ve been up since dawn.” Ann complained, pushing him out of the way.

“Good morning to you, too, Rosey. You’re only a few hours late.” Roses took off her gloves and re-arranged the clip holding her hair.

“I was…busy.”

“Does it have anything to do with what you got in the mail yesterday?”

“How did you-I mean-no! I mean, it doesn’t have anything to do with her-it! With it! No!”

“Right.”

He tried to change the subject. “So how is everything going? How’s the camp?”

“Come on, I’ll show you.” Roses led him onto the porch, pointing out the various buildings. “This cabin is for Ann and me, the one next to us on the right is Holli and Tails’, and the one on the left is for you and Tyrael. The office, dining hall, and classroom are on the other side of Holli and Tails, showers are directly across from us, and the lake is down that path, behind the showers. Oh, and there are some cabins on the other side of the lake if we need them.”

“Good, good. The coal mines?”

“To your right. Town is to the left.”

“Well, I can see that you have everything under control. Maybe I should leave before I get in the way.”

“Oh, no you don’t. You are staying and cleaning. Everyone is working in their cabins right now, and I’m sure Tyrael would appreciate the help. Lunch should be here in 20 minutes or less.”

“Pizza again?”

“Of course! Now go!”

“I’m going, I’m going!”

Roses watched him to make sure he went to the cabin, and then wandered towards the kitchen. The camp really was nice and peaceful, and it would look so much better with some paint and decorations. She made a note to herself that they should all go to town the next day and pushed open the door to the dining area. Ann was just emerging from the back room where the actual kitchen appliances were kept.

“None of those are salvageable. We need all new ones,” she told Roses.

“It’s a good thing Al already got that bank account all set up.”

“Yeah, and it’s---“ a loud noise from above distracted them.

They looked up to see a squirrel jump down through a hole in the roof. It ran towards Ann, as if to attack her. She dove under a table and the squirrel went for Roses, who pulled a whip out of her pocket and snapped it at him. He squealed and ran under another table. Roses chased him and waved the whip underneath it to scare him out. Instead of frightening him, he caught the whip and it tossed him back and forth. Finally, he let go, and flew under the same table as Ann, who grabbed him.

“Want me to go drown him in the lake?” she asked, avoiding his teeth.

“No. I want to talk to him.”

Ann looked at Roses as if she were crazy. “You want to talk to him?”

“Yes,” Roses answered and proceeded to have a conversation with the squirrel. In squeaks.

At first, he looked shocked and stopped struggling, then he actually seemed interested in what she was saying and even talked back.

“You’re really speaking…um…squirrelish?”

“Yes, of course. I read about it somewhere.” Roses said. “He’s actually a very smart squirrel. Says he lives around here and doesn’t want us to destroy his home. I told him of course we wouldn’t, and I offered him a job.”

“A what?”

“A job. We need security guards. He has plenty of friends. It’s perfectly reasonable.”

“Are they all as violent as he is?”

“No, but he says he’ll train them for extra nuts.”

“I see. So, um…what’s his name?”

“Billy Jo.”

“Oh.”

“I’ll teach you all how to talk to him, don’t worry. Squirrelish is easy.”

“Look! How cute!” Holli opened the door, and noticing the squirrel, walked across the room, hand stretched out to pet him.

“Don’t touch Billy Jo!” Ann said, and set him down on the floor. He saluted her and ran out the nearest window.

“Wow!” Holli said. “What else does he do?”

“Who?” Roseidous and Tyrael also arrived, presumably for lunch.

“Roses just hired some squirrels as security guards.” Ann told them. “Billy Jo is the leader. He doesn’t seem so bad.”

The boys seemed confused, but were more concerned with other matters. They planted themselves at one of the wooden tables.

“Where’s lunch?” Tyrael looked around.

“Not here yet. And where’s Tails?” Roses asked Holli.

“She said she’d be right back. She wanted to look for some kind of flower in the woods.”

“And I didn’t find it, but I did find this!” Tails proudly came inside, dragging a boy in a red hat behind her. He was tied up and was holding a pizza box. “Can we keep him, Roses?”

“I’m not a little lost puppy!” the boy complained. “Let me go! I have to deliver this pizza!”

“Oh, don’t worry. You’re in the right place.” Roses reassured him. “Now, Tails, why exactly is he tied up?”

“Because he said he didn’t know who I was and he wouldn’t give me the pizza.”

“So you tied him up?”

“Makes sense to me.” Holli said, and grabbed his hat.

“Hey, give that back!”

“Who are you, anyway?” Ann asked. “We’ve never seen you before.”

“That’s because I just moved to town. I’m Todd.”

“And you are working for TAS and Cait?”

“Yes, why?”

“Um…” Roseidous thought about what to say. “How much do you know about them? Or us, for that matter.”

“Just that they own the Pizza Delivery Shop and they were willing to hire me. They said you were the Tri-Leaders and mentioned something about taking over the world. At least, if I’m in the right place, you’re them. Something about being a superhero. Oh, and that you were all insane. Is there something I missed?”

Everyone looked at him with expressions of pity on their faces.

“You have no idea what you’ve gotten involved in.” Tyrael said, shaking his head. “We all have a history together and now you’re stuck.”

“Why is that?”

“Because you’ve met us. There’s no going back now.” Roses said.

They all finally noticed she was holding her whip.

Todd eyed it nervously. “What is that?”

“I know! That’s her whip!” Holli shrieked happily. “I wanna hold it!”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Roses put it back in her pocket.

“I want one. Where did you get it?” Tails looked jealous.

“That is a very long story.” Ann said, exchanging glances with Roses. “She got it right after we first met in Budapest. From this weird guy…but nevermind. I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

“All of this is well and good, but I’m still hungry.” Roseidous announced, grabbed the pizza box from Todd, and took it to the nearest table.

“Tails, pay Todd and let him go.” Roses ordered.

“Do I have to?”

“Yes, but you don’t have to untie him. Let him go back as a warning. They should know better than to call us insane. We’ll come visit the Pizza Shop tomorrow, Todd. We’ll be in town anyway. Tell everyone we said hi.”

***

“Hey, Roses! Me and Tails are gonna get Christmas lights for the cabins!”

“Yes, yes, Holli, go ahead.” Roses waved her away and turned her attention back to Al, Ann, and the grocery list.

The Tri-Leaders were indeed spending the day in town. Holli and Tails were getting “stuff” for the cabins from the only department store, Val-mart. It was a much smaller version of a more famous store, but that didn’t matter. Ann and Al were taking care of the kitchen, and Tyrael had been sent to the hardware store to get supplies for repairs. Not that he knew what was needed, but he was trying. Roseidous was nowhere to be found, but he was last seen taking the clones towards the clothing shop. Roses was “supervising.” While getting a tan in the park.

The town was a small, picturesque, stereotypical type of place. There was a residential area, of course, and the well-kept park. The only businesses were located along the main street, along with the restaurant, grocery store, gas station, and post office. The exception to this arrangement was the new Pizza Delivery Shop over at TAS’s house. The town was ideally situated between the woods and the ocean. It was a very peaceful place to live and was in for quite a surprise when it learned of the Tri-Leaders.

A final approval of the camp menu, and Roses lay back on her picnic blanket. ‘Much better than Budapest,’ she thought. ‘Even if I am back with Rosey and Tyrael.’

“Well just who is this? It certainly is a surprise to see you here, of all places.”

Roses opened her eyes and saw a boy, a few years younger than her, staring down. He seemed to be wearing some sort of cape thing that might have been a black sheet.

“You’re blocking my sunlight.”

“Oh, sorry!” he moved aside. “Roses, am I right?”

“Yes, why? Who are you?”

“I’ve been following your plans for a while. Albuquerque was a great idea. Shame it didn’t work out.”

She sat up. “Who are you?”

“An admirer…of sorts. You see, I plan to take over the world, too. My base of operations is nearby and I heard that you…what was it you’re calling yourselves…oh, that you Tri-Leaders, were moving into my territory. But I won’t let you! I am John, Lord of Darkness (dum dumm duummm!!!) and you will never defeat me!”

Roses stared. “Okay?”

“No, really! You will face my wrath and you will fall under the might of my power!”

Roses sighed, got up, and pulled out her whip. “Go away. I am in no mood for you, whoever you are, today.”

“What’s that for?”

She flicked her wrist and the whip grazed John’s ear.

“Ow!”

“Want to try again?”

“No! I mean, yes! I mean…I ‘ll be back later! With my evil allies!” he dashed off into the woods, in the opposite direction as the camp.

“I look forward to it. Mine will be here, too.” Roses lay back down, adjusted her sunglasses, and decided to take a nap.

***

Holli and Tails walked into the Val-mart and were aghast. The store didn’t have much, but the stuff it did have was perfect. They could already see the Christmas Clearance Sale signs and the electronics section that took up half the store.

"And this credit card gets us money directly from the Tri-Leader account in Sweden?" asked Tails

"Uh-huh," Holli answered. “As much money as we need.”

"So…you think we'll find Christmas lights in the CD section?"

"There's only one way to find out." Holli and Tails grinned and raced across the store.

Unfortunately, when one races, one often does not see where one is going.

“Oomph!” the two girls ran into something, fell backwards, and crashed into a Britney Spears display.

“No big loss there.” Tails commented.

The person who had caused their oomphage fell into a shopping cart filled with Beatles CD's, and tipped it over.

"Excuse me," a voice apologized from beneath Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

"Sorry. Sorry, Mister. We should have been…" Holli began. She paused, however, upon the realization that the man had removed the CD from his forehead and-- "BRAD PITT?!"

"Holli!" Tails clamped her hand over her friend’s mouth. She nodded towards the badge pasted on his shirt. It read ‘US Postal Service.’

The man stood up and reached down to help the girls.

"Common mistake, miss, no need to blush."

"Are-are-are-" Holli stuttered.

"Mr. Packard, mail carrier extraordinaire. Through rain or snow--"

"You like the Beatles?" Tails interrupted, wishing not to hear the whole mailman speech.

"Who doesn't? Well, I'll be on my way, miss and," Mr. Packard glanced at Holli who was still stuttering, "miss. Good day."

“Bye!" waved Tails as she led Holli into the aisle marked 'Christmas Decorations.'

SCHMACK!

“Ow!"

"You freaked on me, Holli. What happened out there?"

"Brad Pitt happened." Holli smiled wildly and nodded her head.

"That wasn't Brad Pitt."

"I know. Brad doesn't have gray hair, and he’s not a mailman-- but that guy was pretty damn close."

Tails raised an eyebrow, but then noticed what was on the shelf next to her and gasped. "They have Christmas Lights shaped like fruit!"

"So?"

"So?! That is so cool. Let's buy them…and those…and those!"

Twenty minutes later, Holli and Tails walked out of the store with a cartful of Christmas lights and CD's.

***

Tyrael clanged into a hardware store. He clanged. He was very certain of this. He clanged when he did most things. Whenever he sat down in cars, change clanged onto the seat. Whenever he walked into kitchens, pots, pans, and plastic cups shaped as frogs crashed to the floor, often with hilarity ensuing.

Needless to say, he clanged.

The store was called this: "Rob's Hardware Store." That is how he knew it sold hardware. He assumed he needed to be in a hardware store, because he was told that he needed to buy nails.

As he was contemplating this, he met Rob.

"Hi there, friend! You a-lookin' for some hardware? You're in the right place! I tell you, you gotta watch that Saddam. Give 'em another month and he'll have us keem-ee-kulled to the dust. Get him before he gets us, you understand? Get him before he goes nuk-u-ler. You know what I'm saying? Not a world for a hardware provider, no siree. But you make do, don't you? You make do. Good Lord provides. And in turn, I provide. Hardware. I provide hardware. Yes I do. Oh yes.”

Tyrael bit his lip. He was technically evil. He had no obligation to let this man live. There were endless possibilities, in a hardware store. He could kill him. He could do it.

Instead, he paid for his nails silently, and clanged out the door.

***

“Mom and Pop’s Grocery” proclaimed the cheerful green and yellow sign. The entire grocery store was happy, from the chipper yellow shingles on the roof to the glad pink and blue flowers planted on the lawn. Even the shadowy figure lurking by the door was happy. Well, he was smiling at least.

Ann looked around, and then picked up a pointy stick. “If that shadowy figure comes too close,” she told Al Broker, “You distract him and I’ll poke him with this stick.”

One of Al’s heads nodded and the other continued playing a video poker game. That was as good of a response as she was going to get. Where did she go wrong in Al’s programming? It had seemed like such a perfect solution at the time; one head to handle saving and the other to take care of spending. And if there was too much disagreement between the two, both heads would blow up and that would be the end of it. But then the left head discovered Internet gambling…

The shadowy figure approached them and Ann let Al do all the talking. Well, shouting. And swearing. And making rude gestures. Ann entered the grocery store and grabbed a cart.

Trundling down the aisles, she tossed items in the cart and checked them off the list. Apples, check. Creamed corn, check. Wait, better get a couple more cans. Ann looked around for any observers. Good, none. She tipped the whole shelf into her cart.

Al caught up with her in aisle 7, the baking goods section. He was dragging his own cart.

“What did that guy want?”

Al held out a baggie filled with white powder. “We bought this,” one head said disapprovingly. “Ian sold it to us!” the other head said.

Ann opened the baggie and sniffed what was inside. “Al,” she said, handing the bag to him, I want you to toss that in the lake as soon as we get back to camp.”

“Yes sir!”

“Now take this full cart to the checkout. Pay for everything and then wait for me. I’ll be there soon with another cart of groceries.”

“Yes sir!”

So, where was she? Chocolate chips. Ann tossed two more bags in the cart. You can never have too many chocolate chips. Next aisle: snack foods. One, two, three “family size” boxes of Cheez crackers. Stan will appreciate that. When that little ferret weasel gets going, he can chew through a dozen boxes. Then he goes into cheez shock and has to sleep.

Ann walked around the store one more time, making sure she didn’t miss anything. Ack! She almost forgot the most important thing! Heading back to the cookies, she grabbed a package of Oreos and balanced them on the top. These Oreos were different from her Oreos of course, but that didn’t make then any less delicious. And it would be nice see the effect of the morphing potion on these mass-produced soulless black circles of evil. One day, Nabisco would pay. Oh yes, they would pay for claiming the Oreo recipe as their own.

Ann shook her head. No need to dwell on that now. She proceeded to the checkout. Al loaded himself with the bagged groceries. Like a pack horse. He could handle it because, as a robot, he was rather strong. And it distracted him from the scratch-off lottery tickets behind the counter.

So the two of them stepped back into the sunshine. The shadowy figure, Ian, walked towards them but got poked with Ann’s stick. Ann smiled. It was a lovely day.

***

Something dropped onto Roses blanket with a loud ‘CLANG’ and woke her up.

“Tyrael?”

“What?”

“Nevermind.” Roses sat up and took off her sunglasses, blinking in the bright sunlight. “Where’s all the stuff?”

“Here.” He proudly produced some nails. “I got them at the hardware store, just like I was supposed to.”

“And they’re going to deliver the rest of it?”

“Rest of what?”

“”The tools? To repair the buildings? Paint?”

“Oh, that. Um…I forgot?”

Roses sighed and shook her head. “Nevermind, then. We’ll get it on the way back. Here comes everyone else, anyway.”

Holli and Tails pushed their shopping cart over to the picnic blanket. Roses noticed that it seemed to be full of electric wires and CD’s. Ann and Al were waiting for the light to change so that they could cross the street. And, judging by the fact that most of the male pedestrians were staring in one direction, Roseidous and the clones must be on their way.

“We got lots of great stuff!” Tails announced. “And we met the mailman.”

“Oh, did you see Mr. Packard? He’s very nice, isn’t he?”

Holli gasped. “You mean, you actually know him?”

“Yeah, when I bought the camp, I made sure our address was registered at the post office. Hey, Ann, how’d it go?”

“Great!” Ann sat down next to her. “You just keep holding those bags, okay Al?”

“No problem. Want me to carry the bags for Tails and Holli, too?”

“That would be very gentlemanly of you.”

“And all the bags that they’re holding?”

Everyone turned to watch Roseidous and the clones approach the park. Each clone had several bags from the clothing store. Roses also recognized some bags with the shoe store’s logo and a few hatboxes.

“Um…if you could, that would be great, Al.” Ann said.

“Hello, everyone!” Roseidous also joined them on the blanket. “A long day of shopping just tires me out. I’m going to take a nap.”

“No, you’re not. We have stuff to do.” Roses got out a piece of paper. “This is our schedule for the week.”

There were various sounds of complaint from the group.

“Oh, stop it. Any good organization that is going to take over the world must have schedules. Now, for the rest of today, we are going to go have lunch at the Pizza Shop and see how they’re doing. Then, I thought that later on today, or maybe tonight, we’d go check out the coal mines. After Ann makes dinner, of course. We need to go visit the Moonbase to see what Ann’s working on. And, of course, you need to start your training soon. Any questions? Comments?”

“Can we tie them up?”

“I’m busy tonight.”

“Make dinner?”

“Can I fly the spaceship?”

“Training?”

“No, I don’t care, Yes, No, and Yes.”

Tails raised her hand.

“Yes, Tails?”

“When you said I don’t care, were you referring my question?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

***

The bell above the door jingled. It was not, however, loud enough to disturb the people sleeping in the next room. Or those who were eating potato chips. Or those who were playing Kill the Dictator.

“No!” TAS shrieked as the secret police captured and tortured him. “I almost had him, too!”

“You know,” Cait commented and gestured at the screen with a chip, “the Fidel Castro mission is easier.”

“No! I have to get Stalin!”

“I was just saying…”

Todd sighed. “He’ll never make it to Hitler. I’m going to get more Mountain Dew, anyone else want one?” Getting no response, he wandered into the shop and came face to face with Tails.

“Hey, Todd! Where’s everyone else?” she asked cheerfully.

“Not you!”

“We told you we were coming to visit.” Roses pushed her way to the front. “Where are they?”

“Yeah,” Roseidous added. “The clones always answer the door when we order pizzas. You’re the first pizza boy we’ve actually seen since that incident on the island.”

“You mean the time we had to chase you that other dimension, almost got killed by aliens who wanted to eat our brains, ended up on a desert island, had to be slaves for you, built a computer, and got rescued by Roses, TAS-man, and Cait-Dog?” Ann glared at Roseidous, as did everyone else.

“Er…yes. That incident.”

“Oh, I heard all about that.” Todd nodded. “I’ll go get the guys.”

He disappeared into the house. The Tri-Leaders looked around. TAS’s Mommy had let TAS and the others turn the garage into their Pizza Delivery Shop. There was a counter made of some tables and boxes stacked like a fort. An oven and a refrigerator sat behind it. Several folding tables and their matching chairs made up the seating. The bell jingled again. Actually, it was just a Christmas ornament attached to a string on the door handle, but it served its purpose.

“Holli!” Roses said. “Put that back!”

Holli pouted. “But it would go with our Christmas lights.”

“No.”

“Hey everybody!” TAS shouted, running into the garage. “Long time, no see!”

“Nice place you have here.” Tyrael said. “Or something.”

“It’s just the beginning!”

“I’m sure.”

“No, he’s right.” Cait and the others followed TAS. “It is just the beginning. One day, we’ll have a worldwide market on the pizza delivery service.”

Silence.

“Right then!” Yoda smiled brightly. “How can we help you?”

***

“Ouch!” Tyrael complained.

“Sorry, Ty.” Holli sounded innocent and, in fact, she was.

The Tri-Leaders, minus Roseidous, were wandering around in the coal mines. At night. Roses wasn’t sure whose idea that was, but it wasn’t a good one. She’d blame Roseidous if he were here. He’d been suspiciously busy lately, but she didn’t think it was anything important. They each carried a flashlight, but the underground caves were so vast, the light wasn’t helping any. They’d already walked through some smaller caves, but had finally reached the large, central one.

“I still can’t believe you wouldn’t let us tie up the Pizza Boys today.” Tails said.

“Believe me, there will be plenty of time.” Roses navigated her way around some rocks.

Ann shone her light at the walls. “What’s the shiny stuff?”

“Coal?” Roses shrugged. “Anyway, Vic said that this is the main room. The tunnels to the right have the best places to mine, and the tunnels to the left have small caves for the prisoners to live in. We’ll have to look for someone who knows about coal mining to help us out.”

“Oh! That reminds me.” Ann said. “I talked to Vinnie, you remember him?”

Roses thought. “Vinnie…Vinnie…oh, yes! Vinnie with the um…clothes.”

“Yes. I’m trying to convince him to work for us. He said he’d meet with us sometime this week if possible.”

“He’d work for a bunch of teenagers?”

“Depends on how much we paid him. We might have to offer a special clothing allowance, too. He’d be a great hitman, you know.”

“Just tell him not to wear his favorite clothes at first. We’ll introduce them gradually. Don’t want to scare the others.”

Ann spun around. “Where did they go?”

“They better not be lost.” Roses shone her flashlight around the room. “Holli! Tails! Tyrael! I will leave you down here all night; don’t think I won’t! Get back here and I mean right now!”

Holli, Tails, and Tyrael were not lost. They were just in one of the left tunnels, exploring the caves. There seemed to be hundreds of them, all in various sizes.

“It’s even darker down here.” Tyrael said, sounding worried.

“I know.” Holli grinned, even though he couldn’t see her. “They’d have less of a chance of finding you if they came looking.”

“We’re a long way down, too.”

Tails also grinned. “That way, they can’t hear you scream.”

A flashlight clattered on the ground as Tyrael turned and ran.

“Roses is gonna be mad if we lose him.” Tails said.

Holli debated with herself. “I suppose we go catch him, then.”

The two girls picked up his flashlight and followed the tunnel in the direction he ran. They approached a group of smaller caves. A red-tinted light suddenly flickered in one of them, casting creepy shadows down the tunnel.

“Tyrael?” Holli called.

No response.

“You think,” Tails asked, whispering, “that there are…other…things down here?”

“Like what?” Holli whispered back. “Bears? Snakes? Mass murderers?”

“I don’t know.”

They crowded close together and crept slowly towards the cave. They paused at the edge of the entrance. It seemed like whoever was inside was trying to make shadow pictures on the walls. They nodded at each other, and then leapt inside.

“Gotcha!”

“Got who?”

The cave’s occupant was not Tyrael. It was a human skull. It floated in the center of the room and the red light was coming from its eyes. The girls screamed and ran for the main room, where Tyrael had rejoined Ann and Roses. The three of them could hear the girls screaming before they saw the beams from their flashlights. They watched as Holli and Tails flew towards the main entrance and the safety of camp.

“What’s that about?” Roses asked Tyrael.

“I have no idea, but they deserve it.”

“It’s probably about me. !@#$!!” a voice said.

“Who’s there?” Roses demanded. “Rosey?”

“No, not Rosey, whoever the #$%^* that is. My name is Murry.”

“Oh. Well, hello Murry. We didn’t know anyone lived in the coal mines. Want to come out here? We won’t hurt you.”

“Will you scream like those other two? Hurt my *&%# ears, they did.”

“What did you do to them?” Tyrael asked, warily.

“Not a @#$% thing. They interrupted my daily rounds of the @#$%^ caves. I was just down in number nineteen, minding my own (*&^^% business, when they shone those &%&$% bright lights at me and screamed.”

“They probably weren’t expecting to see you.”

“Where else would you find a demonic, possessed skull from the underworld? Well, okay, so my Uncle Murray used to live in an attic at some school. *&^%&^ stupid, if you ask me. All those kids.”

“Wait,” Ann said. “You’re um…a skull?”

“Yeah, don’t believe me?” Murry floated out of the tunnel, eyes glowing. Tyrael ran, following the girls to camp.

“You…are…a skull.” Roses managed.

“Yep.” He said proudly. “Family’s lived underground here for centuries. We’re a #$%^* town legend.”

“I’m sure.” Ann turned to leave. “We’ll just be going now. Sorry to have bothered you.”

Roses grabbed her arm. “No, wait. Murry, I have a proposition for you. You know these mines better than anyone else, right?”

“Of course I @#$% do!”

“Want to work for us? Help us set up the coal mines?”

“You mean people are going to come work here again?”

“Yeah, our prisoners.”

“Oh! You’re those people Vic told me about?”

“Yes,” Roses grinned, then frowned. “He didn’t tell us to expect you.”

“That’s just his #$%& sense of humor. Have you met him?”

“No, why?”

“Just be careful in the lumberyard. That’s all I’m saying. Can I come back to camp with you now? I need to practice my curses for the new *(*$# workers.”

“You don’t need much practice, you’re good at that.” Ann told him. “Not so good at people skills.”

“It all comes from being demonic.”

“Right.”

***

“Don’t touch that.” Ann ordered and Tails dropped her hand guiltily.

“Don’t break the spaceship. It’s the only one we have.” Roses sighed. “Murry, stop spinning around like that. You can’t move around while we’re flying. Besides, you’re scaring Billy Jo and you almost hit Al.”

Murry grumbled, but stopped moving. It had been a few days since they met him, and now everyone was on the way to pick up Roseidous at the Fortress. Then, they planned to visit the Moonbase and meet Vinnie, who had agreed to try working for them.

“Roseidous has been really busy lately.” Ann said, checking her rearview mirror to make sure everyone was behaving.

“Yeah, he hasn’t even met Murry,” Roses agreed. “He’s probably making some more clones or something.”

“Probably,” Ann prepared to land on the Fortress. “Or he’s still trying to redecorate-Billy Jo! Get off of Murry!”

“Squeak!” Billy Jo said, as he tackled Murry and they rolled across the floor.

“He says he’s tired of Murry’s language.” Roses translated. “Holli, grab him. Tyrael, get Murry.”

Tyrael paled and carefully reached for the angry skull.

“If he touches me, I’ll @#$% kill him!” Murry screamed.

Ann threw the steering wheel to the left. Murry flew into the wall, Tyrael and Billy Jo rolled across the floor. Holli and Tails managed to stay in their seats, as did Al, but Roses had to fling up an arm to keep her head from going through the window.

“Ann!” They all shouted.

“Shut up and sit down!” she yelled back at them. “I’m trying to land here!”

“Well, then.” Roses watched the roof approach. “We know not to wake you up before noon.”

They landed uneventfully on the roof, and quickly climbed out. Billy Jo and Al stayed behind to watch the ship. Roses led the way through several dark hallways and down various sets of stairs to an unmarked door.

“This is the…well, common room, I guess you’d say.”

“How can you tell?’ Tyrael asked. “It looks like all the other ones on this hall.”

“I just know. I am all-knowing.”

“And she’s been here before.” Ann added, opening the door. “Oh. He…redecorated.”

They all stood in the hall and stared at the room. It was filled with brightly colored beanbag chairs on top of a shag carpet. Neon, abstract art was framed on the walls and a disco ball spun slowly in the middle of the ceiling. A wall of windows provided a fantastic view of the ocean and docks below. Roseidous was not there, but they could hear faint music playing in another part of the Fortress. Tyrael happily threw himself across several beanbag chairs.

“I’ll go find Roseidous!” Murry announced and flew off before they could stop him.

Roses shrugged. “We’ll hear about it soon enough.”

“I would hate to be woken up by Murry.” Ann shuddered.

“What is that?” Holli asked. She and Tails were examining some of the artwork.

Roses glanced over. “I’ll explain when you’re older.”

Tails kept staring. “Is that a cat?”

“Possibly.” Ann said. “It’s best not to know some things. Ever. Remember that.”

“AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!”

“Rosey is awake.” Roses calmly chose a beanbag to sit on.

Murry sped back into the room, laughing evilly. “You will never guess what he’s been doing. I just found out.”

“Is this something I want to know?” Tails looked at Ann.

“Probably not, but I do.”

Murry spun around in midair, a sort of dance. “This is the greatest $%^& blackmail in the whole world.”

“So tell already!”

“He had someone in the bedroom with him.”

Roses raised an eyebrow. “A clone? Which one?”

Murry considered. “Do clones move by themselves?”

“Yes. Why?”

“It wasn’t a clone.”

“Um…was it alive?”

“No!”

“Please don’t tell me it was furry and had long ears.”

“What?” Murry gave her what would have been an odd look. If he’d had a face.

“Nevermind. Who was it?”

“It was a plastic woman! Full of air!”

They all thought about this, then burst into hysterical laughter.

“A blow-up doll?” Roses managed to say. “That’s what he’s been doing?”

“That’s gross!” Ann made a face.

“No, she’s not. Her name is Sally and I love her.” Roseidous stood in the doorway, offended. “This is why I can’t tell you people anything. You don’t understand. Don’t judge Sally just because she’s plastic.”

The others stared at him, and then broke down in helpless giggles.

“Well,” he said. “When you all grow up, I’ll be in the kitchen.”

He stormed off, but then reappeared. “And whatever that skull joke was, it wasn’t funny. I was-I mean, Sally-was scared.”

“That skull thing is not a @#$% joke, it’s me!” Murry floated over to him. “You don’t want to make me angry, I work for you now.”

“Roses?”

“Yes, Rosey?”

“Don’t hire any more associates without me. Ever.”

Still laughing, she waved him away. They took a few moments to compose themselves, and then headed for the kitchen. Roses showed them some extra bedrooms where they could stay if needed, the bathrooms, and the office before they went to downstairs. Holli and Tails begged to go in Roseidous’ room and see Sally, but Roses refused. Sally wasn’t in there, anyway. She was in the kitchen with Roseidous.

“Now that you know about her, I suppose you can meet her.” He told them. “Be nice.”

“Of course.” Roses regarded the doll. She was dressed in a short pink skirt and a white shirt. Her makeup was painted perfectly. She had a knowing expression on her face.

“It’s like she’s talking to me.” Tyrael stared at her.

Roseidous nodded. “She’s very smart.”

Ann sighed. “So what’s her name again? Sally? Did you name her or did she come with that name?”

“That’s just her name,” was all he offered.

Tails grinned. “I bet you named her.”

“Is she coming with us?” Holli asked.

“I guess she can.” Roses glanced at Ann, who shrugged.

“Of course she is!” Roseidous grabbed her protectively. “She’s not staying here all by herself.”

“Is she like a balloon?” Tails kept grinning at her. “Is she easy to pop?”

Roseidous gasped. “You would never!”

“I would, too. Anyone got something sharp? A safety pin? A needle? Scissors? A knife, maybe?”

“Roses, make her stop!”

“Hey, even I’d pop Sally, given the chance,” Ann admitted. “Okay, everyone on the spaceship.”

“I’m going to sit by the new girl!” Murry led the way to the roof.

***

“Vinnie’s already here,” Ann told the group. “He spent the night. Now, don’t be afraid of him. He used to work for my family, so I’ve known him for a while. He’s very smart and very quiet. And he won’t hurt you. I mean, unless you deserve it.”

“What’s he wearing?” Roses whispered to Ann as they walked down a sparkling white hallway.

“Pants,” she whispered back. “I told him to.”

“This place is so different.” Holli said. “I mean, the camp is all comfortable and dirty. Rosey’s fortress is isolated and well…his tastes. And here is so clean and hospital-ish.

“Yeah, we’re just different like that,” Ann put her hand on a scanner next to a door. It read her fingerprints, and then opened. The main computer room had large glass windows, showing a view of the cratered surface of the moon. In the sky, Earth glowed blue and green. Around the walls of the room were a variety of electronic equipment and monitors unfamiliar to anyone except the ferret-weasel operating them.

“Things going okay?” Ann asked Stan.

He nodded from under his favorite sombrero and gestured frantically towards the kitchen.

“Yes, you can go get some cheez crackers. Where’s Vinnie? Conference room?”

Stan giggled and left. Ann ushered the group across the room and through another doorway. This small room was carpeted and filled with a long conference table and chairs. A man sat at the end of the table, facing the door. He was very tall and muscular. He also seemed to be covered in scars and tattoos. He might have once been handsome, except for the unpleasant expression on his face. The group gathered around the table.

“Vinnie! Long time, no see!” Roses took the chair to his left, Ann to his right.

“So, Vinnie,” Ann began. “Like I said yesterday, these are the people-and I don’t use that term for everyone, so shut up, Murry-that I told you about. You know Roses already. That’s Holli, Tails, Murry, Roseidous, Billy Jo, and Tyrael. Oh, and you know Stan, too.”

“You left out Sally!” Roseidous complained.

“Sorry,” Ann sighed. “And Roseidous’ friend there is Sally.”

Vinnie studied each person, or whatever the case may be, carefully, as if calculating the best way to torture or kill them in his mind.

“He is scary Holli whispered to Tails.

Ann turned to Vinnie again. “I already explained our weapons and plans to you, right? Any questions?”

He shook his head.

“And Al told you about your salary?”

He considered for a few seconds. “I’ll do it. I’ll work for you.”

“Great!” Roses said. “You want to live here? Or you want one of those cabins on the far side of the lake? Away from all of us?”

“A cabin will be sufficient. I will repair it myself.”

“Then it’s settled.” Ann sat back. “Anyone want a tour of the Moonbase?”

Everyone nodded agreeably, Holli and Tails very enthusiastically.

“Okay, but no touching. Remember, there are experiments going on around here. If you touch something and break it or turn into anything weird, I’m not bringing you back. Ever. Al, take them on the grand tour.”

“Yes, sir!” Al led the others out, but Ann and Roses stayed.

“Thanks for helping us out, Vinnie.” Roses said.

“No problem. I will go get my things and move in immediately.” He stood up to leave, revealing his short, black skirt.

“Vinnie!” Ann shielded her eyes. “Where are you pants?”

“I hate those damn things.”

Roses grinned. “Wear them until everyone gets used to you. It won’t take long, I promise. And besides, you never know what plants and things you might run into in the woods. Best to be covered, if you know what I mean.”

He sighed and left the room.

“Now we have plenty of associates.” Roses said. “I’m even including Vic and Mr. Packard because they help us out. I think we’re ready to officially open Camp Milk and Cookies.”

“What about the Pizza Boys? Aren’t they associates, too?” Ann asked.

“Nah. They’d try to stop us if we did anything bad. You know TAS and his superhero thing. But I suppose they are associates, in a way.”

“Then we don’t need any more.”

“Right.” Roses agreed. “No more.”

***

From the Camp Milk and Cookies Journal of Tyrael:



Tyrael’s concentration was broken when the alarm clock went off. Across the room, Roseidous grumbled and turned over, accidentally knocking Sally to the floor. Realizing this, he leapt up and grabbed her, apologizing. Tyrael shook his head and hid his journal under his mattress.

“Why did you even bring her?”

“They’re remodeling my bedroom at the Fortress this week. Plus, Roses said I had to stay here for training, or something. Sally hates to be left alone, so I brought her with me. Right, Sally?”

Tyrael almost believed that Sally said yes, and then headed out, wandering down the path to take a shower.

One cabin over, Roses and Ann were discussing something.

“I know, but I’m still not sure it’s a good idea,” Ann said, yawning. “Security is much better at the Moonbase. I had to bribe Stan with extra Cheez Crackers to even get him to come here for a week, you know.”

“Well,” Roses finished applying her sunscreen. “It should be perfectly safe. They don’t know we’re using that closet as a computer room and, unless they figure out how to bribe Stan, they can’t get in. Now, go fix breakfast and we’ll be right there.”

“If you’re sure.”

Roses nodded. “I’m sure. I’ll go get Vinnie and the clones in the classroom for introductions.”

Half an hour later, after Ann’s breakfast of toast, the Tri-Leaders, Junior Tri-Leaders, and Associates gathered in the larger cabin used for lessons. Roses stood in front of the group. “Good morning! Welcome to the Grand Opening of Camp Milk and Cookies! My name is Roses, and I am your head counselor and owner of the camp.”

“We know who you are and where we are. Get on with it.” Ann complained.

Roses glared at her, but moved on and handed out papers to everyone. “These are the schedules for the week. Don’t lose it, Roseidous.”

The papers, in Roses’ handwriting, read as follows:







Roses paused while everyone read over the schedules.

“Any questions?”

Holli raised her hand. “Why is Vinnie teaching Seduction?”

Ann glanced at Roses. “Because he’s a man. He knows what you should do.”

“Oh.”

Tyrael then raised his hand. “Why are we taking Arts and Crafts?”

“You never know what you might have to make. Anyone else?” she ignored both Ann and Roseidous’ hands. “So if that’s it, please go with Ann to the kitchen.”

The Junior Tri-Leaders followed Ann back to the larger cabin while the Associates gathered up their things.

“Why are they learning how to make their own breakfast and lunch?” Roseidous asked.

Roses smiled. “Because Ann refuses to get up before noon. But we’ll see about that.”

***

From the Camp Milk and Cookies Journal of Holli:





*** “Roseidous! Tyrael! Time to get out!” Roses called.

She, Holli, and Tails were settling down on some large rocks near the lake. They watched as some of the clones practiced rescue techniques on Tyrael and Roseidous. Ann joined them a few minutes later, spreading out a bright green towel to sit on. She pulled out some ice cream sandwiches for the morning snack and handed them around. Tyrael soon joined the group, but Roseidous pretended to drown again.

“Would you hurry up?” Roses demanded.

He glanced at her. “What are you eating?”

“Ice cream sandwich, why?”

“Those are mine! I thought I labeled them!” He stood up and marched out of the lake.

Ann shrieked and covered her eyes. Holli and Tails giggled. Tyrael grabbed the last ice cream sandwich. Roses sighed.

“Is it windy out here or is it just me?” Roseidous asked. When they didn’t respond, he turned to his clones for an answer. His bathing suit floated on the surface for a few seconds, and then sank. “Cwap.”

He ran for the nearest bush and ducked under its branches. “Where is my towel?”

“The green one?” Ann asked.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know.” Ann shrugged while Holli and Tails tried not to laugh.

Roseidous looked around desperately for something to cover himself, but, finding nothing, he pulled a few branches off the bush and ran for the cabins. Roses pulled out a camera and took a picture for the bulletin board. Then she turned back to the group. “I believe we have arts and crafts next.”

“My class is tonight! And that’s good, because I want to test out my new Oreos. You’ll be the first!” Ann announced.

“Yes,” Roses nodded. “Our first trials of our new weapons. It will be great.”

***

“So,” Roses began, as the Junior Tri-Leaders filed into the classroom. “What did you learn from Murry’s lesson?”

“I learned how to say @#$^& #$% @#$^**!” Tails announced.

“Oh. Um…that’s nice.”

“And I learned how to curse someone in ancient Babylonian.” Holli nodded.

Ann gestured for them to take their seats. “At least he’s serious about his job.”

“Where’s Rosey?” Holli asked, looking around the classroom. Stan was guarding the computer lab, and the campers still didn’t know he was there. Vinnie, Al, a few clones, Billy Jo, and Murry were settling down at the back to watch the demonstration, but Roseidous was missing.

Roses smiled evilly. “Well, you know that plant he was hiding behind this morning after swimming? Turns out it was poisonous. He’s got this rash that---nevermind, you don’t need to hear about it. Let’s just say it’s rather painful and he won’t be joining us tonight.”

“Which is a shame,” Ann added. “Because he was going to test our weapons first.”

“Oreos, right?” Tails asking, examining her training schedule. “You’ve never explained to us how they work.”

Ann reached into a bag and pulled out some cookies. “Well, it’s difficult to explain the chemical alterations and genetic properties of my Oreos, but I can explain what they’re supposed to do. Eating one causes a person’s DNA to be altered for a set amount of time. Times can range from a few seconds to forever. So far, I’ve only worked on turning people into animals, but I’m hoping to move on to inanimate objects in the future. And, I hate to say this, but I haven’t actually tested the Oreos yet. I couldn’t risk giving one to Stan, because I need him to help with the production process. And Al can’t eat things. So, tonight, we will test them for the first time. Can I have a volunteer?”

The room was silent.

“Anyone who doesn’t voluntarily eat one will be thrown in the coal mines with Murry,” Roses said.

Every person, animal, or clone’s hand went up.

“See?” Roses nodded. “That’s the great part about taking over the world. You can help us, eat a cookie, or be thrown in the coal mines. It’s going to be great.”

“Okay!” Ann said, surveying the group. “Um…Billy Jo! Come help me out!”

“Squeak!” Billy Jo ran to the front of the room and hopped up on the desk.

“Pick one!” Ann spread out several cookies.

Billy Jo selected an Oreo and started gnawing on it. Suddenly, he began growing larger. Everyone watched excitedly as he kept growing. When he reached a height of about six feet, he stopped.

Looking around, he shouted, “SQUEAK!”

“Ack! Not so loud!” Roses covered her ears. “When you’re our size, you don’t have to shout to be heard.”

They all kept staring; expecting him to change into a different animal, but seconds later, Billy Jo started shrinking and soon reached his normal size.

“Well, that didn’t work so well. He didn’t change into anything.” Tyrael pointed out, unnecessarily.

Ann, however, looked thrilled. “No, it did work! He ate the one that made him turn into a giant squirrel! Who’s next?”

An hour later, she and Roses watched as Holli the cat chased Tyrael the mouse around the room. Tails the parakeet watched from her perch on the desk, uninterested. The clones and Murry had long since left because Ann refused to give them any Oreos. Vinnie was also gone, unwilling to eat anything he didn’t make himself. Tyrael paused in the corner, sniffing the air carefully. Holli snuck a little closer, and then pounced. Unfortunately, the effects of the Oreos wore off in mid-pounce and both transformed back in time for Holli to tackle Tyrael.

“Ouch! Hey, get off of me!” he complained.

“You know you like it.” Tails climbed down off the desk and pulled Holli to her feet.

“And with that, I’m all out of Oreos.” Ann said. “I’ll have to make some more when I go back to the Moonbase. I’m just glad it turned out to be a success.”

“Me, too.” Roses nodded. “Our weapons are perfect.”

***

From the Camp Milk and Cookies Journal of Tails:





***

From the Camp Milk and Cookies Journal of Holli:





***

From the Camp Milk and Cookies Journal of Roses:





***

“Wait, they did what?” Roses asked.

She, Ann, and Roseidous were in the Camp Office, having their daily meeting. Ann was sitting at her desk in the middle, working on some mathematical equation. Roses was perched on top of her immaculately clean desk, and Roseidous sat on the conference table across from both of them.

“Yeah,” Ann sighed. “You want to see it? We can go over to the computer lab and have Stan pull up the resistance website.”

“No, that’s okay.”

Roseidous frowned. “You think they’re serious, or just playing around?”

“I can’t tell,” Ann said. “And I haven’t had a chance to ask Vinnie about it yet. Stan just giggles when I ask him. Serious or not, we’ll just have to keep a closer eye on them from now on. And never talk about Project X in front of them.”

“Oh! Speaking of Project X!” Roseidous said, excitedly. “I had plenty of time to think about it while I was um…sick, and I think I’ve got it! I have the whole thing worked out!”

“You did it without us?” Roses glared at him. “We were supposed to work together!”

“Well, what else was I supposed to be doing? It’s not my fault someone stole my towel and I had to use that bush, is it?” He looked at Ann.

“That towel didn’t have your name on it!” she argued. “And besides, how should I have known you’d pick the poisonous plant?”

“I didn’t put a poisonous plant by the lake!”

“Hey, stop fighting!” Roses yelled. “We’re talking about Project X!”

“Not anymore we aren’t!” Roseidous yelled back.

“I didn’t put that plant there, either!” Ann shouted. “Stop trying to make it be my fault!”

“You…did take his towel.” Roses said.

“Oh, so you’re on his side?!”

“I didn’t say that!”

“And I don’t want anyone on my side!” Roseidous stood up. “All I did was try to work on our secret project and now we’re fighting about a towel.”

“OUR project, Rosey!” Roses also stood up. “That’s the point! You did it by yourself, without talking to us! How do you know we even like all of your ideas?!”

“How do you know that you don’t like them?! You haven’t let me tell you what they are!”

“I don’t want to hear them!”

“I do!” Ann announced.

“Well, you would.” Roses turned to leave.

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing!”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

“Stop!” Roseidous interrupted them. “Where are Holli, Tails, and Tyrael, anyway? They can’t hear us fighting like this. Not if that site is a real thing.”

“They’re on an overnight campout with Vinnie.” Roses told him. “Didn’t you read your schedule?”

“Yes, but I can’t be expected to remember everything on it all the time, Miss Organization!”

“You need my organization to run this place. Otherwise, none of your plans would work! Either of you!”

“They would, too!” Ann yelled at her. “My Oreos would work without your schedules and without Rosey’s money to support them!”

“You want to try that?” Roseidous asked, threateningly.

“I just might!”

Roses laughed at them. “Neither of you will make it on your own.”

“And you will?”

“Watch me.” She left the cabin and headed into the woods, in the direction of the coal mines.

“So ends the Tri-Leaders.” Roseidous nodded. “And I’m leaving this camp.”

“Well good for you.” Ann said, then reached into her desk drawer and pulled out some video tapes. “But you might want these back first. The same night they broke into the computer lab, they got your lockbox, too. You’re lucky that they had to ask me for a VCR and I didn’t let them see the movies. Do I even want to know what they are?”

Roseidous walked over and grabbed them from her. “Is nothing sacred around here?! That box is locked for a reason!”

“I’m not the one who broke into it! Don’t blame me for everything! You shouldn’t have brought it!”

“I shouldn’t have come here in the first place!” He marched down the path towards his cabin.

Ann watched him go, and then looked towards the coal mines. “Now what have we done?”

***

From the Camp Milk and Cookies Journal of Roseidous:



***

“So, what do you think Ann, Rosey, and Roseidous are doing?” Tails asked, Holli.

“I dunno,” Holli shrugged and examined her fingernails. “At least they’re not out here in the woods. Hand me the Hooker Red, would you?”

Tails passed over the nail polish and selected “Red Light District” for herself. The two girls started painting their nails while watching the action in front of them. Vinnie was attempting to put up their tents, despite the fact that Tyrael was helping.

“Vinnie?” Holli asked.

He grunted and gestured for Tyrael to hold one of the poles, which was falling down. Tyrael left the pole he was currently holding to grab the new one. The first pole immediately crashed to the ground. Vinnie sighed.

“Um…what are we having for dinner?”

Vinnie pointed at a small ice chest next to their backpacks. Holli climbed down from the rock she and Tails were perched on and opened the lid. “Hot dogs? Eww. It’s a good thing I brought stuff for S’mores, right?”

“Definitely good.” Tails said, putting the cap back on the nail polish. “But, either way, we need a campfire.”

“Go get the firewood,” Vinnie told them.

“Vinnie! My nails are drying. You know how easy it is to ruin a good manicure. Besides, why can’t Tyrael go get firewood?”

Vinnie turned to his ‘assistant,’ “Tyrael, go get the firewood.”

“But…I…okay, fine,” he dropped another pole and marched off into the woods.

Two hours later, the girls and Vinnie were happily toasting marshmallows around the campfire they’d built. The tents were successfully standing, the sleeping bags were unpacked, and Tyrael was nowhere to be found.

“He probably went back to camp,” Holli said.

Tails agreed. “Yeah, he couldn’t rough it out here with us for the night.”

“That or he’s scared of us.”

“True,” Tails stabbed another marshmallow with her stick. “So, Vinnie, what else are we doing tonight and tomorrow morning?”

“Roses says you’re going to learn the constellations and how to use them to navigate. Tomorrow, we’ll practice moving through the woods without making any noise.”

“But it’s cloudy,” Tails pointed up. “We can’t see the stars.”

Vinnie looked up at the gathering storm, disappointed. “Then we’ll learn to survive a thunderstorm with only a tent and sleeping bags.”

***

The lightning flashed, the thunder boomed, and the tent leaked. At least, that’s what Holli and Tails discovered at three o’clock in the morning.

“My sleeping bag is wet,” Tails complained.

“Mine, too.” Holli shone the flashlight at the top of the tent. Strange shadows danced across the canvas from the trees blowing outside. Or maybe… “Tails, stop making shadow puppets.”

Tails put her hands down. “Sorry. I hate camping.”

“Me, too.”

Tails crawled towards the tent entrance and pulled it open. “So let’s go.”

“Go where, exactly? It’s wetter out there than it is in here.”

Tails considered her options. Sure, it was raining outside. But there wasn’t a grumpy Holli out there. She could always go back to camp. Sleeping in her own bed in her leak-free cabin sounded nice. Maybe Tyrael had the right idea by leaving earlier. Camp wasn’t that far, was it? She could always tell Vinnie she forgot something and he’d tell her how…Vinnie! That was it.

She turned back towards Holli, “I bet Vinnie’s tent isn’t leaking. Let’s go visit him.”

Holli looked doubtful. “Are you sure he wouldn’t be angry?”

“Nah, he likes us. I can tell.”

“Yes, but does he sleep with a weapon? I mean, do you really want to wake him up?”

“Oh, come on. It’s better than sitting here.”

“Okay, fine.”

Holli climbed out of her sleeping bag and followed Tails outside. They ran around the remains of the campfire and towards Vinnie’s tent, which he’d pitched by himself, far away from theirs. Halfway across the clearing, they heard the cry for help.

“Isn’t that Tyrael?” Tails stopped.

“Sounds like it.” Holli swept the flashlight around. “I can’t see anything out here.”

“Listen,” Tails said and they waited. “There it is again. This way!”

The two girls hurried into the woods, where it was slightly drier, but no easier to see. The wind whipped branches and leaves into their faces as they ran. Hearing the call for help again, they made a sharp left turn into another clearing.

“Tyrael!” Tails yelled. “Where are you?”

“Look up!”

“What?” Holli pointed the flashlight into the trees. A flash of lightning helped to illuminate Tyrael, sitting between two branches.

Tails blinked the raindrops from her eyes. “What on earth are you doing up there? Did you see the bear again?”

Holli laughed, despite the fact that she was tired, wet, and miserable. “We already had a scavenger hunt. And I know there’s no more dry firewood. Come down.”

Tyrael glanced around before half climbing, half falling out of the tree. “I saw your flashlight from up here.”

“And is there a reason you were up the tree?”

Tyrael looked around again and frowned. “Um…there’sagiantpenguinsomewhereinthewoods.”

“What?”

“There is a giant penguin somewhere in the woods.”

“A what?” Tails grinned.

“A giant penguin! I’m not crazy!”

“Right.”

“No, I’m serious! It chased me.”

Holli raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure you didn’t just fall asleep somewhere?”

“Yeah, Ty, even for you, that story’s a little strange.”

“I swear! A giant penguin!”

“Okay, Ty, whatever.” Holli turned back towards their campsite. “Hey, do you want to trade tents with us? Ours is bigger than yours.”

“…why?”

“Oh, no reason just……did you hear that?”

Tails grabbed a branch before it hit her. “Hear what?”

There was a crashing sound from behind a group of bushes.

“That.”

“Yeah, I heard that one.”

“It’s him!” Tyrael ducked behind both girls. “Don’t let him chase me again!”

“Tyrael, stop being a chicken. There are no such things as giant penguins,” Holli shone the flashlight at the bushes, and the batteries promptly died. She shook it a few times, with no effect. “Well, so much for that.”

“It’s probably just Vinnie,” Tails said.

“Um…is Vinnie seven feet tall?” Holli pointed. “Because he wasn’t last time I saw him.”

All three turned to stare into the woods. An eye gleamed at them right before the creature spread its wings and quacked. Yes, quacked. Lightning flashed again to reveal that the monster was, indeed, a giant penguin. The three Junior Tri-Leaders stared in confusion for just a second. Then, it charged.

“RUN!” Tails screamed.

***

The sounds of yelling and running woke Vinnie up. He glanced at his indiglo watch. Three-fifteen in the morning. He was definitely not amused. What was Roses thinking, sending him out here with those three? Sure, they all had potential, but only when they were being serious. Which, he had to admit, was usually never. He decided to ignore whatever it was they were doing and go back to sleep.

“Vinnie!”

“Help!”

“It’s going to eat me!”

Well, that wasn’t normal. Vinnie tried to get up, got tangled in his sleeping bag, and mentally cursed the manufacturer.

“Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!”

“Save us!”

“Vinnie!”

Finally, Vinnie just ripped the sleeping bag and rushed outside. It was a strange scene. From what he could tell in the rain, a giant penguin had Tyrael cornered against some rocks. Tails picked up a small stone and threw it at the penguin. The penguin quacked angrily and turned to chase her. Lightning flashed. Before he could decide what was the best course of action, Holli appeared, yelling.

“Hey you! Stupid penguin! Over here!” she held out the ice chest, with its uneaten hot dogs. “Come eat this!”

The penguin ran for her, and she quickly threw the ice chest aside, rolling under some bushes. Confused, the penguin grabbed the now broken ice chest. He sniffed carefully and ate the hot dogs in one bite. Then he started eating the ice chest itself. When that was gone, he sat in silence, staring at the four people, who stared back.

Tails slowly approached him. “He was just hungry, poor thing. I don’t think he’s dangerous, are you?”

“I’d be careful,” Vinnie advised.

She managed to get close enough to pet him. “See, he’s nice.”

Without warning, the penguin reached out and grabbed her with his wings.

“Aww, he wants a hug,” Holli said.

But after a few seconds, he didn’t let go.

“Help!” Tails yelled. “He’s crushing me!”

“Um, Mr. Penguin, could you let go?” Holli asked. The penguin quacked and stood up, squeezing tighter. “That would be a no.”

“I can’t breathe!”

“Let her go!”

“Someone help!”

“Vinnie!”

“Here!” Tyrael picked up a rock and tossed it to Vinnie.

Vinnie nodded and got in range of the penguin. He threw the rock as hard as he could. It connected with the penguin’s head. The animal froze and then fell over backwards, dropping Tails into a mud puddle.

Holli ran to help her get up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Tails brushed the feathers off her clothes. “It’s just his hugs are little too-huggy, if you know what I mean. I don’t think he wanted to hurt me.”

Tyrael and Vinnie joined them. All four looked at the unconscious penguin.

“So,” Tyrael said. “What do we do with him?”

***

“Good (*&^=$% morning!”

“Good (*&^=$% morning, yourself, Murry.”

“Wow, Roses, such language.”

“Don’t you mess with me today.”

“Still angry I see,” the skull nodded in mid-air. “Shall I throw both of them in the coal mines?”

Roses laughed. “Yeah, right. Ann’s probably at the Moonbase by now, and I’m sure Rosey ran back to his Fortress.”

“Oh. What are you going to tell the others?”

“That they can go home, I guess. The Tri-Leaders aren’t working together anymore.” Roses sat down at her desk and rummaged through one of the drawers.

“And here I was, thinking that…” he trailed off.

“Thinking what, Murry?” she looked up.

The skull spun around and headed for the door. “Thinking that there’s a lot of commotion outside, for one.”

“What?” Roses got up and opened the door. Then, she blinked.

Holli, Tails, Tyrael, and even Vinnie, were running as fast as possible towards the kitchen. Right behind them, and gaining, was a giant, seven-foot tall penguin. As she watched, they split up. Vinnie ran into the kitchen, yelling for the penguin to follow him. Tails and Holli rushed down the main path, towards their cabin. Tyrael turned left to run along the edge of the woods, behind the cabins.

The penguin chose to go after Vinnie, who shut the door in its face. Angry, it ripped the door completely off the hinges and went inside. Roses winced. That door would have to be replaced. And, from the sounds of it, everything in the kitchen was ruined, too.

Vinnie jumped out of a side window and rolled.

“Over here!” Roses shouted.

Once inside the office, Vinnie shoved the conference table in front of the door.

“What is that thing?!” Roses demanded.

Vinnie shrugged. “They found it in the woods. It followed us here. Holli never should have fed it.”

“Well, how do we get rid of it!?” Roses hurried to look out the window behind her desk. “What does it want?”

“How am I supposed to know?”

“I like him,” Murry said.

Roses glared. “Yeah, well you would. You are-“

“Get down!”

Vinnie pushed her to the floor. But it was too late; the penguin had already seen them. It quacked and tried to climb out of the same kitchen window Vinnie had used. Unfortunately, it took out the window frame and part of the wall around it.

“Oh, great, now it’s coming over here.” Roses ducked under Ann’s desk to hide. Murry laughed.

The penguin climbed the steps to the office and rammed itself into the door. The door held. There was a moment’s silence while the penguin tried to figure out what to do. Then, it started using its beak in an attempt to break down the door.

Roses climbed out from under the desk, stood up, and pulled her whip from her pocket. “No you don’t, you stupid, overgrown bird! That door is hand-carved mahogany!”

With a yell, she charged forwards, shoved the table aside, opened the door, and cracked the whip at the penguin, connecting with its beak. Shocked, the bird took a few steps back.

“That’s right! Run away!”

It stared back at her. “Quack?”

“Um…Roses, back up.” Murry advised. “Then jump out of the window like Vinnie just did.”

“What?” Roses turned to look.

In that instant, the penguin saw his opportunity. He pulled the door the rest of the way open and started inside. Roses shrieked and ran across the room. Vinnie caught her when she jumped out the window and they both headed for the adjacent cabin, the one belonging to Holli and Tails. Murry floated off, presumably for the coal mines.

“Won’t he just come in here next!?” Roses said when they reached the steps. “We need a better place to hide!”

Vinnie said nothing, but paused to look behind them while Roses hurried up the steps, and then quickly followed her.

“Holli! Tails! Let us in!”

There was a loud crashing noise and the door flew open. Roses had time to notice that both beds had been stacked in front of the door and one was now tipped over sideways to allow room for them to come in. The two girls pulled Roses over the remaining bed and inside. Vinnie looked around camp one last time before shutting the door and wrestling the second bed back on top of the first.

“Stay down!” he ordered.

“So now what?” Holli crawled over to a window and cautiously peered outside.

“I have no idea.”

Tails looked around the room. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Oh. Well, Ann and Rosey aren’t here today, so don’t worry about them. Tyrael was…uh-oh…he was outside, behind the cabins.”

“Maybe he made it to his.”

“No, he didn’t,” Holli said, from her lookout post. “He’s hiding behind your air conditioner, Roses.”

Vinnie said something that would have made Murry proud, had he been there, and pulled down the top bed again. Roses handed over her whip and he climbed out onto the porch.

“Okay, Holli, open the window,” Roses said. “Quietly. Tails, get something to throw. Something small.”

They both did as instructed, Tails pulling the mini-lightbulbs out of a string of Christmas lights.

“Hey, those are our favorite,” Holli complained.

“You can get new ones! Now, move!” Roses ordered.

Holli moved out of the way and Roses started throwing. The first few lights hit the air conditioning unit. Tyrael looked up. Roses sighed and threw another one. This one managed to hit Tyrael. He looked over at the cabin. Tails frantically gestured for him to be quiet and sneak to the door. He nodded and slowly crawled out from behind the air conditioner.

He stood up and started walking very, very carefully towards the front of the girls’ cabin. Halfway there, the penguin appeared from around the back corner.

“Run!” Holli yelled.

Tyrael did so. He cleared the steps in one jump, tripped over the bed, and landed face first in the middle of the room. Outside, Vinnie snapped the whip at the penguin. It paused, remembering what Roses had done. Vinnie leaped back inside and slammed the door. Everyone else was ready to stack all of the furniture in the room in front of it. They knelt behind their barricade and waited.

***

“No, Stan, I’m not apologizing. I told you last night that we’re working solo now. I’m just here to get my things from the office and then, it’s back to the moon. Al, did you remember the box? When I pack it, I’ll need you to carry it back to the spaceship.”

“Yes, sir!”

“Good. Let’s just hope Roses isn’t in there,” Ann rounded the corner of the kitchen and froze. “What on earth…?”

The door was missing and, clearly, there was a hole in the wall. But, more importantly, there was a giant penguin trying to break into Holli and Tails’ cabin. She quickly ducked back around the kitchen and stuck her head around the corner to watch. The penguin backed up a few steps, and then threw itself into the door, trying to knock it down.

“They must be hiding in there,” Ann said. “Come on, guys. To the storage shed!”

***

“QUACK!”

THUNK!

Back inside the cabin, they were definitely trapped.

“Got any ideas, Vinnie?” Roses asked.

He shook his head.

THUNK! The penguin rammed the door again. The wood creaked and a shower of dust fell on the occupants.

Tails almost laughed. “Yeah, I guess this is one situation even Vinnie hasn’t been in before.”

“And no one will be in again, because we’re all gonna die!” Tyrael said.

“Oh, we are not,” Tails told him.

“QUACK!!!”

THUNK! The wood splintered.

“Okay, so who’s for going out the windows and running again?” Roses asked.

“No use,” Holli sighed. “It’ll just hunt us down again.”

THUNK! ERRRRACK! CRUMPCH!!! EEEEEEERRRRCKKK!!!

The door imploded. The top bed fell over on top of Roses, Vinnie, and Holli. A chest of drawers took out Tails, and a box of Christmas lights and CD’s upended over Tyrael.

Then, silence. No one moved. Not even the penguin, as it was unconscious.

Vinnie picked up the bed and Roses and Holli scrambled out. Tyrael, despite the strands of lights wrapped around him, helped Tails. All five turned to look outside.

Ann stood in the doorway, gun pointed at the penguin. Stan and Al stood to her left and right. Stan giggled.

Ann winked at Roses. “I told you this tranquilizer gun would come in handy one day. And we didn’t even have to test it on Rosey first.”

***

From the Camp Milk and Cookies Journal of Vinnie:



***

“Here,” Holli ripped the grocery list into four pieces and handed it around. “Let’s split up so we get done faster. Then Vinnie can check and make sure we got the best deals and the best stuff. Okay?”

Tails, Tyrael, and Vinnie shrugged and each took part of Ann’s list. They went inside Mom and Pop’s Grocery Store and split up. Tails happened to have the “Fruits and Vegetables” part of the list. Holli had “Snacks,” and Vinnie had “Baking Ingredients.”

Tyrael was left with “Frozen Foods and Dairy.”



He grabbed a cart and trundled towards the freezer section, change clanging around in his pockets. He quickly checked the prices and selected ice cream, a pre-made cheesecake, and ice cream sandwiches (Two boxes!) before heading towards the eggs and cheese. This grocery shopping thing wasn’t so hard, anyway. What was the big deal? Just divide the cost by the amount and see what was cheaper.

He guided his cart around a mountain of carefully stacked cardboard soda boxes and up to the refrigerated shelving. A man stood in front of the cheese section, blocking his path.

“Um...excuse me?”

“Oh, no problem,” the man turned around. He was wearing very tight black pants and a red shirt. The shirt had silver sequins sewn into the collar and down the sleeves. There may have been some glitter involved. And possibly eyeliner.

Tyrael backed away slightly.

“Don’t remember seeing you around here before. But then, I just got here from Hell.”

No response.

He deflated a little. “Hell, Michigan? It’s a real town. It was a joke? Nevermind. So you’re new, huh?”

Tyrael hesitated. Maybe this was his chance to prove how evil he could be. He could attack with the…with the grocery cart? “No, not really. I just don’t shop for groceries, much.”

“Helping out around the house, are you? That’s a very noble cause,” he nodded seriously, and then held out a hand. “My name’s Yani. I’m a barroom dancer.”

Tyrael carefully ignored the hand. “What’s a barroom dancer?”

“A little young for that, are you? No matter. I’ll just show you!”

“That’s not necessary, but thanks,” Tyrael tried to steer his cart away to safety of the bakery aisle.

“I insist!” Yani grabbed the side of the cart, stopping Tyrael from leaving. “Maybe you’ll learn something and be a barroom dancer yourself one day! You can say you learned it all from me!”

“I’d rather not…”

“But of course you must see!” Yani started dancing. Yes, in the middle of the grocery store, in front of the cheese. He even climbed the stack of soda boxes, as if they were stairs to a stage.

Tyrael seized the chance to grab his grocery cart and make a run for it.

“Tyrael! There you are! Are you done yet?”

Tyrael spun around at the sound of Holli’s voice. He spun a little too far and the cart hit the stack of boxes. Everything froze for just a second, and then started up again in fast forward.

The entire mountain crashed, spilling soda cans all over the floor. Some of the cans exploded on contact with the hard tiles, spraying everyone and everything in the area with a root beer bath. Yani fell into the shelf full of eggs, sending the Styrofoam cartons and their fragile contents out into the growing root beer lake. Holli shrieked and dropped her bags of potato chips and packages of cookies. She rushed towards Tyrael, to somehow try to help.

“What was that?” Tails rounded the corner from a few aisles over and slipped on an egg. She skidded into the middle of the mess and crashed into Tyrael and Holli. All three tumbled to the floor, along with Tails’ armful of tomatoes, grapes, and lettuce.

Vinnie came around a different corner, saw a puddle of root beer spreading towards his favorite hiking boots, and jumped backwards. He hit a shelf of condiments, which promptly fell over. Glass jars of mayonnaise and mustard shattered.

“What is going on?!” Mom hurried up the dairy aisle, her gray hair falling out of its normally tidy bun. “What is this mess? Someone is going to tell me who is responsible for--” a sneak attack of rolling soda cans charged from under a shelf and tripped her. They retreated under the next shelf to celebrate their victory.

“Mom!” Ed, the stock boy, appeared from the back room, where he’d been putting price stickers on a new shipment. “I’ll help you!”

He reached down to pull her up, but there was no traction on the floor. He ended up sprawled on top of her, until she tossed him sideways. He rolled across the floor, right into Yani, who had just managed to climb to his feet. Yani fell back into the eggs.

The Junior Tri-Leaders were a study in comedy. Each time one or two managed to get up, they would all slip and splash into the puddle again, squashing grapes, eggs, and everything else under them. All three were laughing, not a helpful thing in their attempt to stand.

“NO ONE MOVE!!!” Pop rushed towards the scene. He usually didn’t like to be angry, but he certainly had a temper, should the need arise.

There was complete silence.

On cue, a final can of root beer rolled across the floor to stop at Pop’s feet.

***

“So that’s why we’re banned from ever going to the grocery store again,” Tails finished.

“Mhmm,” Roses said, noncommittally.

“Are you mad?” Holli asked.

“I don’t know. Was Vinnie mad?”

“Yes.”

“Then I suppose that’s enough people mad at you for one day. Go take showers, and we’ll see you in the morning.”

Roses and Ann waited until they squelched out the door, looked at each other, and started laughing.

“I really wish I could have seen it,” Roses said.

“I know, me too,” Ann agreed.

“Squeaker squeak!” Billy Jo said, from the windowsill.

“I’m not completely fluent in squirrelish yet,” Ann turned to Roses. “But did he just say that we could see it?”

“He did indeed,” Roses walked over to the squirrel and held out her hand.

Billy Jo handed over a video, saluted, and jumped down, heading back to the woods.

***

From the Camp Milk and Cookies Journal of Ann Chovi:



***

“Good morning!” Roses said brightly.

“Yesterday, I got chased by a giant penguin, plus I had to go to the grocery store, where I was covered in various food products and banned from the premises. Not to mention the previous night, when I was almost killed several times by the same giant penguin. Yes, today had better be good.”

“Thanks for your comments, Tyrael. Now, everyone knows the plan, right?”

“Yes, we read your memo,” Holli grumbled. “Can we just go?”

Roses sighed. “Okay, get in.”

The three Junior Tri-Leaders, Vinnie, Al, Stan, Murry, Billy Jo, and Roses climbed into the camp van. Vinnie had been up early and walked to the boys’ camp to get it. Ann drove them down the path and towards Camp Pork Chops and Applesauce.

Ten minutes later, they were strategically parked behind a large cabin, most likely the camp’s dining hall. The rest waited in the van and watched Holli, Tails, and Tyrael approach the counselor’s cabin and knock on the door. A counselor opened it, they talked for a few seconds, and he invited them inside. Holli turned and waved at the van.

“That’s a go,” Roses said. “All the counselors are in there having their daily meeting, but Rosey isn’t with them.”

She, Ann, and Vinnie climbed out of the van and went inside the dining hall. If Rosey was anywhere, that’s where he would be. And he was there. He and Sally were surrounded by curious campers, who looked to be seven or eight years old.

“But what does she do?” one boy was asking.

“Oh, lots of things.” Roseidous answered.

“What sorts of things?” another boy looked at her criticially.

“Er-well-grown up things?”

“She looks like a balloon to me!”

“Nah,” said the first boy. “She’s just a doll. He plays with dolls!”

“I do not!” Roseidous stood up, pulling Sally with him. “You just don’t understand.”

“You play with do-olls, you play with do-olls!” the boys chanted.

“I bet I can pop her!” one said.

“Bet you can’t!”

“Watch me! I’ll do it before you can!”

Several boys moved to grab Sally or stab her with a fork, but Roses and the others were already in the door.

“That is enough!” Roses shouted.

The boys paused in their attack.

“Who are you?” asked the one who wanted to pop Sally first.

“We live near here,” Ann told him. “And we came to pick up Roseidous. It’s time for him to go home now.”

“We were just playing.”

“Yes,” Roses nodded solemnly. “I know. Come on, Rosey.”

They turned away from the campers and headed outside. Without pausing or turning around, Vinnie said, “Throw that apple at us and it will be the last thing you ever throw.”

Back in the van, they sat and waited for the Junior Tri-Leaders.

“I could have taken them,” Roseidous said. “You should have let me.”

“Don’t underestimate how vicious eight-year-olds can be. Is Sally okay?” Roses said, and then made a face. “Did I just ask that?”

“Afraid so,” Ann giggled.

“She’s fine. And I see you two are getting along again. I guess I’ll come back to camp now. I couldn’t work in such a negative environment.”

“Yeah, sure, Rosey.”

Tails, Holli, and Tyrael rushed out of the cabin and climbed in the van.

“Mission accomplished,” Holli grinned. “They’re coming to the dance. The oldest campers, at least.”

“Great!” Roses said. “Now all we have to do is get food and music ready, and decorate. The builders should be done repairing the kitchen by the time we get back.”

“And my plan will work perfectly,” Roseidous mumbled to himself.

“What?” Tails asked.

“Oh, I um, I was just wondering what I missed while I was gone.”

“Not much,” Tyrael said. “But-do you have a tranquilizer gun?”

“No, why?”

“Just a surprise for you, Rosey,” Ann made a left turn. “You’ll see soon enough.”

***

“Finished!” Holli announced.

She, Roses, Ann, and Tyrael paused to examine their efforts. The dining room had been transformed into a typical summer camp dance hall. The tables were against the wall to make room for a dance floor. Ann’s newly made punch and cookies sat on one of the tables, along with bowls of chips and candy, delivered from Mom and Pop’s by Mr. Packard. A second table was empty, waiting for pizzas. A third held a stero system and stacks of Holli and Tails’ CDs.

Murry floated inside. “I’m ready to go!,” he noticed the Oreos. “Did you make those, Ann?”

“Some of them,” Ann said. “We decided it would be fun to mix them all up and see who gets what kind.”

“Fun or traumatizing,” Holli grinned.

“Oh. Of course,” Murry spun around. “And I see you’ve set up the music for me.”

“For you?” Tyrael asked.

“Yes, for me. I DJ-or well, used to-in the coal mines all the time. It’s my job tonight, right?”

Roses looked around at the others and shrugged. “Um…sure, Murry. Just float around behind it. We think you’re great, you know, but we can’t scare the visiting campers. We don’t want them to run away.”

“I’ll behave,” he said, and then added “but only because you’re paying me to.”

“Yes,” Roses said. “Speaking of behaving, does anyone happen to know where Roseidous went?”

“He said he had to help Sally get ready for the party.” Ann rolled her eyes.

“That can’t be good.”

“No,” Ann glanced out the window. “But there is good news. The pizzas are here.”

TAS, Cait, Nothlit, Todd, and Yoda all came inside, carrying pizza boxes. They looked around cautiously.

“Hey, guys!” Tails walked in the door behind them, waving some duct tape. They all hurried to back away. “Oh, silly boys. This isn’t for you, it’s for the streamers. Holli and I are going to put them up. Unless you want some?”

“I think not,” Nothlit frowned and deposited his pizza box with the others.

“So let’s get the music going already!” TAS danced his way across the floor towards the CD player, which turned on before he got there. He paused mid-step. “Remote?”

“No, Murry. Want to meet him?” Holli asked from atop her ladder.

“You mean the skull?” Todd looked nervously at the CD player.

“That’s demonic possessed skull from the underworld, if you don’t &^$%% mind!” Murry floated out from behind the table.

“I knew we never should have agreed to stay for the dance,” Yoda muttered and Todd shook his head in agreement.

“Murry! Yo, dude! What’s up?” TAS spun around to the music. “C’mon, Cait-Dog! Get your groove on! Get jiggy with it!”

“Um…maybe later,” Cait told him and turned to Roses and Ann. “He hasn’t even had any Mountain Dew today. Yet.”

“We’re here! The party can start now!” Roseidous announced, bringing Sally inside.

She was dressed in a sparkly red dress. A very short one.

“Who-or rather, what-is that?” Nothlit asked.

“Who is the right word,” Roses said. “She is apparently our new associate? Roseidous’ special friend? Personal assistant? Something like that. Don’t insult her; he says she’s very sensitive. Her name is Sally, by the way.”

“How many associates do you have now?” Yoda helped himself to some punch.

Ann counted them off on her fingers. “Well, there’s Sally, Murry, Billy Jo, Vinnie, Mr. Packard, Stan, Al Broker, the supermodel clones I guess, and Vic.”

“Watch your back in the lumberyard!” Murry cackled. “Never say I didn’t warn you!”

“Yes, thank you Murry.” Roses said. “And Bubba? Can we count him?”

“Sure,” Ann shrugged. “So that’s ten.”

Cait considered. “We’ve only met Murry, Sally, and some of the clones. And we know Mr. Packard from town. What about meeting the rest?”

Tails shook her head. “You won’t see Stan or Al because they’re in the secret closet in the…ouch, Holli!”

Holli removed her foot from Tails’ toes. “They’re in the secret closet in the Moonbase. We’ve never met Vic, ourselves. Billy Jo and Bubba are…around. And Vinnie said he wouldn’t be caught dead here tonight.”

“Probably smart of him,” Nothlit said.



“Hey!” Holli said. “Just for that, you have to dance with me.”

“I have to do no such thing.”

“You are no fun.”

“Indeed.”

“The boys are here now!” Tails looked out the window.

“Let’s get this party started!” TAS did some sort of dance move that should have been banned from ever being performed in public. “Everybody dance now! Oooh! Murry! Play that song! Dum-dumdum-dum-Everybody dance now!”

“TAS, you do know that Holli, Ann, Roses and I are the only girls at this party, right?”

“He’ll dance anyway; don’t ruin it for him.” Cait said.

The first sight the Camp Pork Chops and Applesauce campers and counselors saw when they entered the room was TAS, dancing and singing. Murry had indeed found the C&C Music Factory song.

“Here is the dome, back with the bass
The jam is live in effect and I don't waste time
on the mike with a dope rhyme
Jump to the rhythm jump jump to the rhythm jump…”

“How does he know all the lyrics to that song?” Ann asked.

“Everybody dance now!”

“I have no idea.” Roses said, shrugging at the visitors and gesturing for them to come further into the room. “But I don’t know if---Roseidous! What on earth do you think you’re doing?!”

“What the song said!” Roseidous looked around, confused, his pants around his ankles. “It said ‘everybody, pants down.’ Right?”

Roses mentally counted to ten while Holli and Tails giggled. “Roseidous. The lyrics are ‘everybody dance now,’ which you cannot do without your pants. So please put them back on, don’t scare the visitors, and go be social. You know them better than we do anyway.”

“Right.” He bent over to pull up his pants. “And besides, we have a plan to carry out tonight.”

“What?”

“Er…and I don’t have to carry Sally out tonight?”

“Right.” Roses gave him an odd look and then went over to make sure Murry was well hidden.

TAS kept singing, “Dance til you can’t dance til you can’t dance no more!”

***

“Just go! You’re the distraction! She won’t hurt you!” Roseidous insisted. “Well, actually, if you see her trying to get something out of her pocket, run. But otherwise don’t be afraid! She’s just Roses. Unless…do you like her?”

The counselor, whose name happened to be Steve, glared. “Of course not! I just-you didn’t say I’d have to ask her to dance!”

Roseidous shoved him away from the huddle of counselors and towards Roses, who was carefully guarding the food table. The Oreo pile was diminishing, but no one had turned into an animal yet. There was still hope. Out on the dance floor, Ann, Tails, and Holli danced with some campers. TAS continued to dance by himself, having a grand time. The rest of the Pizza Boys and campers sat at the tables, talking amongst themselves.

Steve, shuffling his feet and staring at the ground, approached the food table. Without looking up, he mumbled something.

“What?” Roses asked, talking loudly over the music. “I can’t hear you! You want some punch?”

“No, doyouwanttodancewithme?”

“What? Is there something wrong with your shoes?”

He took a deep breath. “Do you want to dance with me?!”

“Oh.” Roses hadn’t considered this option. She shrugged. “Well, sure, I guess.”

Roseidous watched them walk onto the dance floor before turning to the rest of his group. He caught Tyrael’s attention across the room and gestured for him to come with them. “Okay men, you know the plan. I hid the supplies in my cabin. Follow me.”

Nothlit noticed them leaving and said, “Hey, guys? If they can leave, so can we. Ready to go?”

“Yeah, this party’s not so much fun anyway,” Todd said. “Not enough girls. They should have brought the supermodel clones.”

“Well, we could dance with ourselves,” Yoda suggested. After receiving various looks from the rest of the guys, he quickly amended his statement. “I mean, because there isn’t anyone else. Just trying to make the best of it. Not with each other. We could dance by ourselves. Like TAS.”

“Speaking of whom,” Cait looked around behind him. “I guess I’ll go get him.”

He bravely approached TAS, who was now singing ‘Your friends don’t dance, and if they don’t dance, then they ain’t no friends of mine.’ He grabbed one of TAS’s flailing arms and dragged him towards the door.

“Aww, are we leaving so soon?” TAS complained.

Cait nodded solemnly. “Yes. Your Mommy made us some cookies and we have to go get them while they’re fresh. She said so.”

“Oh, right. I remember!” TAS said. “Bye Tails! Bye Holli! Bye Ann! Bye Roses! Bye campers! Bye Murry! It was a great party! I’d love to come to the next one!”

“Pizza Boys! Are you going home early?” Tails stopped them at the door. “You’ll miss the last dance. It’s sure to be exciting. Did you eat any Oreos?”

“No…why?” Nothlit asked, suspiciously.

“Just asking. Ann made them herself. They taste like the real thing!”

Out on the dance floor, Ann made her way towards Roses. This was easy to do, as they and their companions were the only people still dancing. “Do you notice that a lot of people are missing? Like maybe some counselors?” she asked.

Roses stopped and looked around. “Indeed. Where do you think they went? In fact…Steve? Where are the rest of your friends? What do you know that we don’t?”

Steve froze. “Don’t hurt me!”

“Roseidous and Tyrael are missing, too,” Ann pointed out.

Roses turned on her dance partner. “Steve. It would be best to tell me everything you know right now. Before I get angry.”

Steve hesitated, but started talking when he saw Roses reach for her pocket. “Okay! I’ll tell you! You see, when Roseidous first came to our camp, he said that he wanted revenge on the two of you for something. I don’t know what for, he never said why. But he convinced us that girls are evil and we should play a prank on you at the dance. And then-“

Screams erupted all around the room and outside at the same time. They suddenly found themselves surrounded by various animals instead of campers. The campers who hadn’t eaten Ann’s Oreos were the ones screaming in horror as their friends turned into birds, cats, dogs, squirrels, and even one turtle.

“It worked!” Ann grinned. “The time-release formula is a success!”

“Yes, but we have another problem,” Tails was still at the door with the Pizza Boys.

Holli joined her. “Um…Ann? Did you make a giant penguin Oreo?”

“No.”

“Then um…those screams outside are Rosey, Ty, and the other guys being chased by Bubba.”

Roses rushed over to the door. Indeed, the giant penguin was running up the hill, gaining on the group of boys. She moved aside as they flew into the dining hall and then slammed the door behind them. There was complete panic.

“What is that thing?” one counselor asked.

“Where are the rest of the campers?” another noticed the room full of animals.

“Are we all going to die?” a camper asked.

“Of course not!” Roses yelled above them, brandishing her whip. “Everyone shut up and listen! Okay, Holli, Tails, Ty, and Rosey…go distract Bubba. Make him run in another direction. Pizza Boys, you go, too. Go in different directions. Ann, as soon as he goes after someone, you run for the tranquilizer gun. Now! I’ll be right there!”

Roses opened the door again and they hurried out, just in front of Bubba. He chose to follow the Pizza Boys, who headed for the woods.

“Murry! Come here!” Roses shouted.

Murry appeared from behind the stereo. The campers screamed again at the sight of a glowing skull. “What the @*$% (*%% do you want?”

“Murry, get out there and help. You and Bubba are friends, do something!” Murry flew out of a window and Roses turned to the visitors. “Steve. All of you. Stay in here. Barricade the door when I leave and don’t open it until I say so. Give me your keys. When I get back with the van, take all of your campers and all of these animals with you. Go home, go to bed, and when you wake up, everything will we normal. Got that?”

Steve nodded nervously. Roses went outside and closed the door after her. It immediately opened again and she poked her head inside long enough to say, “Oh, and if you tell anyone about any of this, we’ll kill you. Or something.”

Outside, Roses headed immediately towards the woods. The Pizza Boys were just running back into the camp when she got there.

“He’s still chasing us!” Todd gasped.

“Run for the lake!” Roses told them. “Rosey and the others went that way. Bubba can chase them for a little while. Just go away from the dining hall.”

She ducked under some bushes when Bubba crashed through the woods and quacked. He spotted the Pizza Boys and ran again. Roses watched while they led him in the opposite direction. She hurried towards the Camp Pork Chops and Applesauce van, climbed into the driver’s seat, and put the key in the ignition. Praying that Bubba didn’t hear the engine start, she turned the key, put the van in gear and drove over to the door of the dining hall.

She got out and listened. She vaguely heard Roseidous shouting amid some sort of splashing over by the lake. Someone ran up behind her.

“Roses, we have a really big problem,” Ann said. “I think Bubba tried to eat my tranquilizer gun. It’s got strange marks all over it and it won’t work. And it’s wet.”

“Great. That’s all we need now. Okay, knock on the door and tell the guys to come out here and leave. Hurry!”

The two girls worked quickly to make sure all the counselors, campers, and animals were loaded into the van. Ann slammed the last door just in time.

“Not that way, you stupid penguin!” Tails shouted.

Bubba had finally noticed the activity at the dining hall.

”QUACK!”

“Inside!” Roses said, pushing Ann through the door. The van drove away, taking the vistors to safety.

The two girls made their way through the tables, now scattered around after their use as part of the barricade. They slipped through the spilled punch and reached the kitchen, just as Bubba ripped the door off its hinges. They kept going, escaping through the back door.

The sounds of destruction continued.

“He’s ruining my building!” Roses complained. “Again!”

“Better it than you!” Ann said. “Come on! I think I saw them going into the showers to hide.”

The moon lit their way to the smaller cabin next to the lake. Upon reaching the door, they heard a final sort of creaking sound. They watched in horror as the dining hall collapsed in on itself. The entire building fell down around Bubba. He shook his head, seemingly unhurt.

“Wow,” Ann said.

“Yeah, wow. I’ll kill him myself.” Roses said.

“Well not right now,” Ann pulled Roses inside the showers. The Pizza Boys, Billy Jo, Sally, Roseidous, Murry, Tails, Tyrael, and Holli were hiding in the last shower stall. Stan and Al, apparently drawn out of their closet by the noise, had joined them. Roseidous was dripping; he’d apparently fallen in the lake at some point.

Roses almost laughed. “Good thing we made these showers huge, huh? Otherwise it’d be like a clown car in here.”

“Well, what’s happening?” Nothlit demanded.

“Yeah, does he know where you went?” Holli asked.

“There is no way he saw us go in here.” Roses tried to reassure them. “It was too dark.”

CRASH! The door shattered under the force of an angry Bubba. The group crowded together in the corner, attempting to be quiet, but it was too late. The penguin approached his prey slowly. Roses glared at him. Roseidous hid behind Sally. Ann ordered Al to protect them, even though the robot wouldn’t be much use against a penguin twice his size.

“We’re really gonna die this time!” Tyrael yelled. He closed his eyes. “I can’t watch!”

BANG!

The penguin fell to the ground, revealing the person who shot him. With his brand new, personal, tranquilizer gun.

“Vinnie?!” Tails gasped. “What on earth are you wearing?”

Vinnie sighed. He was wearing a short black miniskirt, a black tank top, fishnet stockings, and stilettos. As well as his trademark sunglasses.

“…yes…there is something we’ve been meaning to tell you,” Roses said. “Vinnie is…well, he’s a cross dresser. We haven’t told you because we didn’t know what you’d think.”

Tyrael and Roseidous stared in horror. Tyrael spoke first. “Our…hitman…wears skirts and heels?”

“Yes.” Ann nodded. “And he’s really good with makeup, too, but I guess he didn’t have time to put it on tonight.”

There was a pause.

“Um…okay, then. As long as I don’t have to dress like a girl.”

“Ty, what a great idea!” Tails grinned.

“Oops.”

“You know,” Holli said, staring at Vinnie critically. “That is a great skirt, Vinnie. Can we go shopping together sometime?”

He shrugged and nodded.

“Great!”

He hesitated for just a minute before asking, “Can I dress like this from now on?”

“Of course, Vinnie,” Roses said.

“Good.”

“Yeah, so we’ll be going to bed now?” Tails glanced at Roses.

“Yes, you will. But we’re getting up early tomorrow to go to the lumberyard.” Roses led them outside, looked at the remains of the dining hall, and sighed. “We’ll need the wood. And other stuff. Vic will help us.”

Everyone walked towards the cabins, but Ann held Roses back. “You know what Murry is always saying about the lumberyard,” she whispered. “Is it safe?”

“I don’t see why not,” Roses whispered back. “Everyone’s going with us, anyway. Safety in numbers and all that. It will be fine.”

***

The young girl ran down a row of neatly stacked plywood. It was piled so high on both sides that she didn’t even have to crouch down to hide as she ran. Halfway down the row, she stopped and peered between the stacks into a clearing. This was her destination. This was her one chance to stop them all. Creepy things that they were.

In the clearing, some sort of meeting seemed to be taking place.

“And the entire world will fear us!” the leader proclaimed. “No longer will they mock us or oppress us! We are not to be trifled with!”

The rest of the crowd cheered and the leader continued with his speech.

The girl reached into her back pocket and pulled out a knife. A very sharp knife. It gleamed in the sun as she examined the blade. She then turned her attention back to the clearing and waited. The right moment would come.

***

“What did I tell you? Perfectly safe.” Roses said to Ann.

“So far, I guess.”

The two girls led the way through the lumberyard. They made their way around a corner into an aisle of wood that seemed to be all telephone poles. Holli and Tails skipped along behind them, complaining to themselves about the fact that Roses wouldn’t let them drive the machine near the gates, whatever it was. Tyrael and Vinnie walked slowly behind everyone else. Spread out through the middle were Roseidous and Sally, Al, and Billy Jo.

“So, where exactly is this Vic? Or anyone else?” Roseidous asked. “Sally and I have other things to do today.”

Roses stopped and looked around. “I really don’t know. It’s not like I’ve been here before, either. Someone climb up these telephone poles and look around.”

No one volunteered until Vinnie sighed, kicked off his heels, and started climbing.

“This would be a good time to have Murry floating around,” Ann gave Roses a pointed look. “Except that he’s afraid to come to the lumberyard. Don’t you think that if an undead, possessed, demon skull is afraid of something, we shoul-“

Holli interrupted her by laughing hysterically. “Vinnie! I can see up your skirt!”

Ann closed her eyes. “Please tell me he wore some sort of underwear today.”

“Yep. Blue.”

“Well, at least there’s that,” Roses said. “And Holli, don’t look up any more boys’ skirts.”

“Will do.”

“Besides, it’s just wrong,” Roseidous added.

“See anything?” Roses shielded her eyes against the sun and looked up. Vinnie pointed towards the left. “Great! Move along, people.”

“I don’t see why we all had to come on this trip, anyway.” Tyrael said to Roseidous. “I mean, why do we all have to be here to talk to Vic? Can’t Roses do it by herself if she’s so sure it’s not dangerous?”

“I dunno,” Roseidous stopped walking to adjust his grip on Sally. “But I do know it’s hot out here. I might start sweating. I’ll have to go and shower again today. Plus, the sun can’t be good for my complexion. And would you look at my hair? The wind is terrible.”

“Um…right.”

“You really think it’s dangerous out here? Because I don’t,” Roseidous told him.

“No! Of course not!”

“Why should we be scared? We are smarter than anything out here! We are strong enough to fight off any enemy. At least, I work out.”

“Oh, me too!”

There was a pause. Wind whistled through the lumberyard. A bird circled overhead.

“We should catch up with the others,” Roseidous said.

“Yeah. Good idea.”

Up ahead of them, the rest of the group had rounded the corner. They heard strange voices coming from the next aisle over. Ann gestured for them to be quiet. They all crept over to a gap between some stacked two-by-fours and looked through it.

“What on earth…?” Roses whispered.

In the middle of the clearing, a meeting was taking place. The leader stood above the rest on a platform made of wood. He was in the middle of a speech.

Holli looked at Tails, who had crouched down next to her. “Are those…gnomes?”

Tails nodded. “Looks like garden gnomes to me. Hundreds of them.”

“They have laughed at us for far too long!” the leader proclaimed. “We are not just decorations for humans to put on their lawns! We are a strong and proud nation! We will no longer sit quietly and smile at the birds! We will fight back! We will have victory!”

“I may be wrong, but I think they’re trying to take over the world,” Ann suggested.

“Not while we’re around,” Roses stood up.

Ann tried to grab her and hold her back. She would have succeeded, except that Tyrael and Roseidous chose that moment to rush around the corner in their attempt to catch up with the group. Roseidous plowed right into Roses, knocking her into the clearing. Tyrael tripped over Tails and crashed into the mountain of wood. It fell over, barely missing Roses.

The leading gnome froze, mid-word. As one, all of the gnomes turned to stare at the intruders behind them.

“Um…hi?” Roseidous waved weakly.

Ann helped Roses to her feet. “Just stopping through. By the way, have you guys…girls…people…you…have you seen anyone named Vic around today?”

“Who’s asking?” the leader said.

“The Tri-Leaders, that’s who!” Roses had recovered enough to be angry. “Vic works for us and he’s supposed to be around when we need him. So where is he?”

“Vic doesn’t work for you anymore,” the gnome narrowed his eyes.

“Is that right?”

“Roses, we should be going now, I think,” Ann dragged her backwards.

“Oh, you aren’t going anywhere,” the gnome said. “My fellow warriors? Attack!”

An army of at least two hundred gnomes rushed at the Tri-Leaders.

“I may be mistaken,” Holli backed up slightly, “But are we going to be killed by garden gnomes?”

Billy Jo squeaked.

“Run for it!” Ann shouted.

Only Vinnie and Roses stood their ground. The gnomes attacked. No matter how many they kicked at or stepped on, there were twice as many to replace them. And the gnomes were seemingly indestructible, as they were made of wood.

“Where’s Holli when you need her to light a fire?” Roses said, but then shrieked as three gnomes managed to grab onto one of her legs and trip her. Several held her arms and legs and tied them together. Vinnie was helpless to stop them, as they had formed some sort of pyramid attack aimed at his head. As soon as he was unconscious, the army split up to search for the rest of the Tri-Leaders, leaving Roses and Vinnie in the clearing alone.

***

“Amateurs,” the girl said to herself.

She made her way from her hiding place, across the clearing, and up to Roses.

“Need a little help there?”

Roses looked up and was immediately blinded by the sun. “Ouch! Hey, who are you?”

“Someone who can help you,” the girl blocked the sun and Roses saw the knife.

“Don’t kill me!”

The girl laughed. Evilly. “This isn’t for you, don’t worry. I’m going to cut the ropes. It’s Katherine, by the way.”

“Katherine!” Roses sat up, rubbing her wrists. “It’s been a while. Can’t say this is the best way, but it sure is nice to see you again! Thanks.”

“No problem,” Katherine cut Vinnie’s ropes and turned around. “Now, where is that Vic? He and I have an appointment today.”

Roses stared. “This may sound strange, but how old are you again?”

“Ten. But I’m old for my age.”

“Right. So you know Vic, too? I was looking for him.”

“Well, you found him.”

“What? No I didn’t.”

Katherine gestured in the direction the gnomes had taken. “Vic, leader of the Garden Gnome Liberation Front. He’s been united gnomes all over the world for years now. They’re going to rise up against humans and take over.”

“So I heard. And you know all of this, how?”

“I’m not at liberty to say. But it is my mission to stop him. Before the MIWC stop me. You didn’t tell them anything, did you?” she looked around quickly.

“No…of course not,” Roses also looked around. Clearly, the girl was insane.

“Okay. So what do you say we leave Miss What’s-Her-Name right here and go save the others?”

Roses climbed to her feet. “Some friends they are, running away like that. But sure. Let’s go save them.”

***

Ann, Roseidous, Sally, and Tyrael had climbed up on top of a stack of telephone poles near the entrance. Gnomes surrounded them. Occasionally, one would try to climb up, but Roseidous would hit it with Sally. Al stood near the bottom of their temporary refuge. No amount of gnomes could make him fall down, as he had built-in impeccable balance, although they swarmed all over him in their attempt. Both of his heads were shouting at them. Billy Jo had managed to outrun them all and escaped into the woods. Holli and Tails were missing.

“This is why we should never have come here!” Ann complained. “Murry was right!”

“And now we’re gonna die!” Tyrael said.

“You are going to die!” the leader watched from the back of his supporters.

“You say that every time we’re stuck and somehow, we’re always okay in the end,” Roseidous ignored him and batted away another gnome with Sally’s leg. “Maybe it will be okay this time, too.”

“Maybe,” he considered. “But do you think Roses is going to be angry that we left her?”

“Definitely,” Ann frowned. “And so will Vinnie. But not as angry as Roses.”

“Yes, I was afraid of that.”

***

“I guess you just turn the key?” Tails suggested from her perch on top of part of the machine.

“It can’t be that easy,” Holli told her. “Why would they just leave the key here for anyone to use?”

“It is sort of scary to drive,” Tails glanced at the claw attachment.

“Not for us! Here, you operate these buttons and things and I’ll just steer.”

Holli turned the key and the machine immediately started. Grinning, she managed to put it in first gear and hit the gas pedal. The machine crawled across the dirt path. They glanced at each other.

Tails shrugged and pushed one of her levers forward. The claw arm swung out to the side. She pulled on another one. The arm fell towards the ground, too fast for her stop it. It hit the dirt and caught something along beside them, causing the machine to spin around it in circles.

“We’re stuck!” Tails said.

“Do something!” Holli put the machine in a faster gear and wrenched the steering wheel to the left. Nothing happened except that they started spinning around faster.

Tails started pushing buttons and moving levers, but nothing seemed to be working. “Holli! Help!”

Holli let go of the steering wheel and pushed some more buttons. “This is making me sick!”

Finally, some sort of combination of buttons and levers worked and the claw lifted into the air again. The machine continued in the direction it was going, which was, coincidentally, straight into the pile of telephone poles Ann, Roseidous, and Tyrael were sitting on. Holli tried to grab the wheel again, but it was too late. The people on top of the telephone poles toppled backwards, much to the delight of the gnomes waiting at the bottom. Gnomes swarmed onto the machine, prepared to tie up Tails and Holli. The one good thing in the whole incident happened completely by accident. The claw snatched up the leader of the gnomes and held him captive, inches above the ground.

“I hate you!” he screamed. “Kill them all!”

“I don’t think so!” Katherine ran towards him, brandishing her knife.

“It’s you!” he said.

“Did you miss me, Vic?” she pointed the knife at his throat. “Tell them to stop or I’ll saw your head off. Slowly.”

“Never!”

“Okay then, perhaps I’ll saw something else off,” she shrugged and moved the knife lower. “Did I ever tell you that I call this thing the Neuter-lizer 2000? Catchy, isn’t it?”

“Wait! Wait! Not that!” Vic protested. “Everyone, stop! My warriors! Release the captives!”

The gnomes looked at him, confused.

“Pay attention to me!” Katherine said. “I am your new leader. I have captured and defeated Vic and you shall obey me now! You will return to your homes and never again speak of the Gnome Liberation Front. Vic was only using you to get everything for himself, anyway. Isn’t that right, Vic?”

“What?! No! I-“ she inched the knife closer. “I mean, yes! Listen to her! I was only using you!”

“Very good, Vic!” Katherine turned back around. “I officially disband the Gnome Liberation Front. Go home before I come after you. Cwhahahaha!!!”

Grumbling to themselves, the gnomes split up and headed slowly away from the lumberyard. Roses rushed out to help Holli and Tails. Al pulled Ann to her feet.

“That was very impressive,” Roseidous said to Katherine.

She spun around and he jumped backwards to avoid the knife. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, we could use someone like you to work for us. We’re taking over the world, too, you know.” Tails said.

“Eh. I don’t really work for anyone. But I’ll be around sometimes.”

“Maybe that’s best,” Tyrael eyed the knife cautiously.

“So. Vic. We meet at last.” Roses walked up to the gnome. “I thought you were on our side.”

“I never said that. I just supplied you with anything you asked for. I thought you were on my side.”

“You don’t seem to have a side anymore.”

He deflated. “True…..okay, I guess I’m on your side. Even though I still hate you!”

“Great! So you’ll be joining us for the camp graduation dinner tomorrow night? We had to put it back a day to rebuild the kitchen and dining hall again, but that’s why I came to talk to you. I’m sure you know how to get there.”

“There is absolutely no way that I’d ever-“ he noticed Katherine grinning at him. “-that I’d ever miss it. But that doesn’t mean I’ll be polite or have a good time!”

“I think you’ll fit right in,” Ann nodded. “Speaking of not having a good time, Al, go pick up Vinnie and take him to his cabin. Then come help me see what we can make for dinner tonight. If we can find anything.”

“Yes, sir!” the robot wandered off towards the clearing.

“It seems my work here is done,” Katherine put her knife away. “See you people when I see you.”

Everyone told Katherine goodbye and she ran into the woods, saying something about the MIWC.

“Actually, you know what I was thinking for dinner?” Roses led them back towards the van.

“Pizza?” Roseidous asked hopefully.

“Pizza.”

“Pizza!” Holly and Tails cheered.

“Oh, and Holli?”

“Yes, Roses?”

“You are never allowed to drive anything again. Ever.”

***

Ann rummaged through the newly-built kitchen cabinets. Roses said they were oak or something. Very expensive. “Empty, empty, box of cheez crackers that is also empty, nothing, nothing, twenty-seven cans of creamed corn, nothing, empty, who on earth ate those things, nothing, nothing…I’ll kill that penguin!”

With a growl, she slammed the last door and left the kitchen, heading for the office. Roses was inside with Murry. They were talking over some papers, but paused for Ann.

“Roses, we have a problem.”

“The new oven doesn’t work?”

“No. Bubba ate all of the food. Again. All we have left is part of a chicken in the freezer and some creamed corn.”

“But the dinner is in an hour!”

“Tell me about it.”

“We’ll just have to make do with what we have, I guess. Need help?”

Ann sighed. “No. But don’t be surprised if you get a whole can of creamed corn all to yourself.”

“Looking forward to it.”

“Oh, shut up. It would serve you right.” Ann turned to leave, but stopped. “What are you two doing, anyway?”

“We’re deciding who gets which award at the ceremony tonight. Like the Arts and Crafts award. That kind of thing.”

“Really? And who gets that one?”

“You’ll have to @#$% wait and see, won’t you?” Murry said. “Now get out of our @#$& way!”

***

“Is it a bit much, do you think? Too eighties?” Holli asked Vinnie, who shook his head no.

They were gathering in the dining hall for the graduation dinner. Holli was wearing a short black skirt, poufy white shirt, knee-high boots, bangles, and hoop earrings. Vinnie was actually wearing a button down shirt and matching tie. Unfortunately, a short, black skirt accompanied his look.

Across the room, Tails was speaking to Tyrael. Tyrael had managed to find a dark blue suit, but looked uncomfortable in it. Tails, however, looked perfectly at home in her red cocktail dress and fishnets. Roses, in a simple, flowing, black dress, joined them a few minutes later. Ann, of course, was in the kitchen doing something. Roses hoped it was going well.

Associates spread throughout the room. Most, including Al, Stan, Billy Jo, and Vic, had simply opted for adding a black bowtie to their normal looks. Murry and Bubba were decidedly not wearing bowties. Mr. Packard had arrived in his complete mail carrier uniform.

“We’re here!” Roseidous announced, sweeping through the new, glass doors, Sally under one arm and the clones following behind. “Am I late?”

“Dramatic entrance as usual, Rosey,” Tails told him.

For some reason, he had chosen to wear a full tuxedo. Sally wore a black, sparkly ball gown. The five supermodel clones all had various designer gowns and seemed quite happy about it.

“Where did you get all of those clothes?” Roses demanded.

“I ordered them. Vic helped me out.” Roseidous gave the gnome a thumbs-up. Vic scowled at him.

“Right then.” Roses looked around. “Are we about ready to start?”

Ann chose that moment to rush out of the kitchen and place the last dish on the table. She’d apparently not had time to change out of her jeans and purple t-shirt. Roses raised her eyebrows. Ann gave her a look that said, very clearly, ‘don’t ask.’

“Let’s all take our seats now,” Roses gestured toward the new table.

This table could seat everyone, including all of the associates. Roses had drawn up the seating arrangements for the night. She sat at one end of the table and Ann sat at the other. Starting at Roses’ right, the list went: Holli, Billy Jo, Cindy Crawford, Gisele, Tyrael, Tyra Banks, Heidi Klum, Claudia Schiffer, and Al. Tyrael seemed perfectly content with his seat. On the other side, starting at Roses’ left, sat Mr. Packard, Vinnie, Sally, Roseidous, Vic, Bubba, Murry, Stan, and Tails. With hindsight, it should have been obvious that nothing good would come from this arrangement.

“This looks great, Vinnie!” Holly said.

Upon Roses’ earlier instruction, Vinnie was in charge of table decorations. Another of his usefull skills. He had produced fine china, real silverware, linens, crystal flower vases, and silver candlesticks.

“Yes, all very formal, for such a formal evening.” Roseidous unfolded his napkin with a flourish and placed it in his lap. He helped Sally with hers.

“I’ve changed my mind. I think that before we eat, we’ll have the awards ceremony for Camp Milk and Cookies.” Roses addressed the group. “I have a list of special recognitions and the graduation certificates to hand out.”

Everyone watched as she walked over to a smaller table and picked up some papers.

“Okay. Winning the award for creative cooking because of her rather interesting combination of…well, of things…in that breakfast drink, we have Tails!”

There was polite clapping as Tails jumped up to get her certificate.

“Next, we have the award for building and containing the best campfire. That goes to Holli! That part of the woods will never be the same.”

More polite clapping.

“Moving on to swimming. For most improvement, the award goes to…Tyrael!”

The clones cheered for him and he blushed as he went up to get his award.

“It was hard for us to choose a single winner for the next few classes. So we have certificates for more than one person! Holli and Tails, you are both receiving honors for Seduction, Spying, Theft, Breaking and Entering, and Torture!”

The two girls hugged each other and accepted all of their certificates. They started to go back to their seats, but Roses stopped them.

“While you’re up here, Murry is giving the award for learning Demonic Languages and Curses to Tails. Tails, why don’t you give us a demonstration?”

Tails grinned. “!@#$ and @#$* with !@#$ $##$%^*&!!!!”

Roses looked concerned while the others cheered.

“And @#$% @&*%^ to you, too,” Murry seemed pleased.

“Um…right. And Holli, you are receiving the award for Knot Tying, but I don’t think we need a demonstration of that tonight. You may go back to your seats,” she paused for a moment. “The next award is for Arts and Crafts. For the crayon work featuring the house, tree, and bird, the winner is…Tyrael!”

Tyrael walked up again to accept this award.

“Tyrael is also being recognized for winning the Scavenger Hunt and finding Ann’s fishnets and shoes!” Roses handed over another certificate.

Ann glared at Vinnie. While she was doing this, Billy Jo climbed down from his chair and ran up to Roses. He whispered something in her ear and handed over his own award.

“I didn’t know we were giving a certificate for this class, but okay. The final award comes from Billy Jo’s class, ‘Making Home Movies,’” Roses said. “I haven’t seen all the movies you made, but he tells me they are excellent.”

Billy Jo squeaked.

“Then I’m proud to present this to,” Roses looked at the name and then looked at Billy Jo. “Are you sure this is right?”

“Squeak!”

“If you say so. This award goes to Roseidous, for ‘A Night at the Fortress of Love?’ I don’t think I want to know.”

Roseidous triumphantly leapt from his chair and hurried up to Roses. “I won something! I won something!”

“Rosey, you really weren’t supposed to…” Roses started, but Roseidous had snatched the certificate from her hand and was giving a speech.

“I would like to thank Sally, the love of my life, who helped make this all possible. I would like to thank the stars of my film, the supermodel clones. You girls are simply the best. Because I made you and all. And Sally is the best, too, of course. And I would like to thank myself. Because I also starred in this movie. And I directed it. And I was in charge of cameras, lighting, and sound. And I’m the producer. And I styled my own hair. I’d like to thank my hair for being so great and my eyes for---“

“Okay! The music is playing, don’t make us cut to a commercial.” Ann stopped him.

“Very good Rosey,” Roses gestured for him to sit back down. “Finally, tonight, we are here to honor three specific people. The Tri-Leaders. Ann Chovi, Roseidous, and who else? Oh, that’s right. Me.”

“Hey!” Holli said.

“Sorry,” Roses smiled at her. “No, really we’re here to honor our three graduating campers. Holli, Tails, and Tyrael. You are now officially joining the side of the victors. One day we will take over this world and you, along with all of the associates in this room, will stand with us when we do. So congratulations to the three of you. Please come up to accept your graduation certificates. You are now the Junior Tri-Leaders.”

When the cheering died down again, Roseidous looked around the table. “Can we eat now?”

Roses and Ann shared a look. This time, Ann’s look said “why not?”

To Be Continued…