(very slightly edited from the original)


The moon was rising, the night was young. How'd he get suckered into this blind date? Roseidous bumbled down the dimly lit city street, awkwardly tugging at his tuxedo pants that were two sizes too small. No matter how hard he tried, each step caused the pants to ride up on him. Next time, he would definitely not rent at a place named Stan's Used Tuxedos. There were rumors that some of the tuxedos there came from beyond the grave. Roseidous wasn't sure where his came from, just that it was certainly cotton, and had been washed a few times over.

Because of his lack of a vehicle, and no money left over due to the tux rental, it had been arranged that he and his blind date would meet at a restaurant. The name of the place was "Chucky Cheeses". At the entrance, where a brightly-lit neon rat beckoned him to enter, Roseidous reached into his pant pocket, trying to fish out the card with his date's name and what table she'd be at. Unfortunately, the tightness of the pants made it difficult for him to squeeze his hand into his pocket. Finally, he felt the stiff edge or the index card, but upon pulling it out a gust of wind yanked it from his tiny grasp on its corner. The card flew off into a hedge that lined the parking lot. Roseidous raced after it, diving into the plants. Inside the jungle, only a few stray strands of light made it through. Something rectangular caught his eye, and Roseidous immediately snatched it up. Rising out of the bushes for better lighting from the neon rat, Roseidous discovered that the card was not what he had lost, but rather a coupon. "One free anchovy pizza" it read.

Without any money, Roseidous decided it would be best to keep the coupon. A cold breeze made him alert to a slight stinging sensation all over his body. He looked down at his hand, and saw it have been cut up by the thorns of the hedge he had just been in. Roseidous wiped away the trickles of blood, and went in for another go at the lost card. After another ten minutes of searching the bug-infested bushes, he rose victoriously out of the foliage. Ripped, torn, and bleeding, Roseidous entered the restaurant, coupon in his jacket pocket.

Roses yawned, looking up at the clock. Half past eleven--her date was forty-five minutes late. She thought of leaving, but her stomach reminded her why she had waited so long. A line of kids ran past her table. The animatronic rock band was starting up. Roses looked over at the blubbering things. They had fallen into disrepair--the rat was missing an eye, and the monster thing was minus an arm. A piece of fossilized pizza lay atop the bird-girl's beak, and it looked like they'd all had a shower of soda.

Thank goodness it was so late, for there weren't too many kids. Only those with liberal parents, or shallow-eyed teenagers at the arcades. The various games still emitted loud, harsh noises that the natural human ear should never be subjected to. Roses was getting tired of waiting for her free meal ticket, and was getting up to leave when an odd looking man stumbled through the entrance. The freak looked like he had been in some sort of scuffle, his pink tuxedo disheveled. Roses sat back down, half-hoping and half-dreading that this weirdo was her date. As the man got closer, a vague familiarity crept around in the back of her mind. The guy stopped about halfway in her direction, looked down at something in his hand, then back up, scanning the tables. Then his eyes locked onto her position, and he started forward again.

Roses slumped down in her chair, not sure if she should recognize his presence yet. She was debating in her mind whether to slap him and leave for being so late, or stay and see what she could squeeze out of him. His tacky tux suggested not much. But he had clearly been in some sort of ordeal to get here, so she wagered she'd give him a chance to explain. Besides, she could save her 'late' card for later, if things looked on the up and up.

The man stopped at her table, and fumbled nervously with something in his hands. "A-are you," he stuttered, taking a breath, "Margie?"

Roses looked up finally, and then her eyes grew wide. "No!" she gasped.

Roses stood up abruptly, her chair flying back, hitting the ground. She clenched her fist, raised it back and up, and then flung it forward with all her strength, whacking the man square in the jaw with a hard thud. The man's head snapped to the side, and he stumbled back, almost loosing his balance.

"Ow!" Roses yelled, leaning forward to cradle her hand. Next time, she needed to remember to be wearing something over her hand before hitting someone that hard. The man wobbled, dazed. If this had been a cartoon, little stars and birds would be flying around his head.

"W-what was that for?" the man managed to say, finally regaining the ability to speak from his jarred brain.

"You're Roseidous!" Roses accused. "And you're late!"

Roseidous fell down on his butt, and looked up at her. "Oh my freakin' Chaos Theory!"

"Couldn't you tell it was me from my name?"

"What, Margie? Like I ever use your real name. And how am I supposed to know you're the same person?"

"Well, I guess so." Roses put her hand out, and helped him up.

"Who're the wise guys that set us up?" Roseidous asked, rubbing his throbbing jaw.

"Probably Holli and Tails. You know how they are…"

"Yeah, you're right. I told Holli that I was going to be in this city over the weekend, and she told me she knew a really hot, boyfriendless chick lived here, and she could set me up."

"Tails told me a similar story when I said I was going to be here visiting some family. When we get back, we ought to get even with them somehow." Roses suggested as she picked her chair back up and sat down.

"Yes, but how?" Roseidous asked, taking a seat at the table.

"Why don't we discuss this while eating a pizza? Bring any money?"

"What, is a guy supposed to pay for everything?"

"Yes. I hope you brought enough."

"Umm, well, I have something even better." Roseidous turned around in his seat toward the main counter, raising his hand and calling out 'waiter!'

Roses leaned in close over the table. "I think you have to go up there to order."

"Oh. Well, they certainly aren't getting a tip for this cwappy service!" Roseidous got up and marched over to the counter. Or, as well as a man can march with tuxedo pants riding up his crotch.

"Excuse me," he said to someone crouched over behind the counter, making some odd crunching noises. An acne-ridden prepubescent with a nametag that read "Seth" jumped up in surprise. Half of a milk dud was plastered to the side of his lip, and the clanking of many candies bouncing off tile could be heard from behind the counter. The boy looked around profusely, and then smiled at Roseidous as well as anyone could when caught doing something they shouldn't.

"Ahem," Roseidous said, reaching into his jacket and pulling out the coupon. "And if you include two drinks with that I won't mention this to your manager."

"Um, no problem, sir. Thank you." The counter-boy took the coupon and looked at it. "It'll be ready in about ten minutes." He ducked back down with a hand broom and started sweeping vigorously. Roseidous left the kid to tend to his mess, and headed back to Roses, who was twirling her hair while mesmerized by the squeaking movements of the robot rat band.

"Hey, you wanna go play some games or something? The pizza should be about ten or so minutes. Which basically translates into an hour or two."

"Sure!" Roses said, getting up. Then Roseidous remembered he had no money for tokens.

"Hold on a moment," he said, heading back over to the counter. "Hey, counter-boy!" he called.

The boy popped his head up. "Yes, mister?"

"Give me some tokens."

"I'm sorry, but we cannot do that. You have to go over to the token machine and…" Roseidous picked up a stray malt ball on the counter, and popped it into his mouth, slowly chewing it. "Um, here you go." The counter-boy sprung open the cash register and handed him a stack of twenties.

"Thank you." Roseidous said, nodding his head and walking back over to Roses.

"What was that about?" she asked.

"Nothing. I was just convincing the boy that he overcharged me on the pizza."

"Oh."

The two walked over to a token machine, and Roseidous pulled out one of the twenties and fed it into the machine. It was immediately spit back out.

"Try the other side." Roses suggested. Roseidous tried, but again it was spewed back out.

"Try flattening it out." Roses advised.

"It's a crisp new twenty dollar bill!" Roseidous said, aggravated.

"Well, tell that to the machine."

Roseidous tried his best to smooth out any possible wrinkle, and gently placed the bill into the slot. The twenty was sucked in for a few moments, and then catapulted out. "What the hell?!" Roseidous yelled, and kicked the machine. Suddenly, coins began to clang into to token tray. Hundreds and hundreds of tokens!

"I think we hit the jackpot!" Roses declared.

"And who said violence doesn't solve anything?" Roseidous gathered the coins into the temporary pouch of his shirt. "So, what first?" Roseidous asked, holding the hammock of coinage as if he were pregnant.

"Why not 'Whack-A-Mole', over there? For some reason, that game has always been the most appealing to me."

"Me too, oddly enough."

An hour passed, and they were running low on tokens. Too many of the games were overpriced 5-tokens-a-play at something that spat out about half a ticket. You had to play them again to get the rest of the ticket. By the time the counter-boy came up to them to say their pizza was ready, they had spent three hundred and fifty two tokens, and gained 25 tickets. They came back to their table, where their lukewarm pizza waited. One piece still had a bit of freezer-burn on it.

"Eeew, anchovies?! Did you really order this?" Roses winced, taking one whiff of the contemptible odor of the salty fish.

"Umm, I guess they screwed up my order." Roseidous rubbed the palm of his hand methodically.

"Well, let's send it back then."

Roseidous scanned his mind for a quick retort. "And wait another two hours for a slightly different crappy pizza?"

Roses stomach gurgled. "I guess you're right."

"Of course I am!"

"Don't get too cocky."

The two sat down and grabbed a slice. Or, at least, tried to. Whoever had cut their pizza wasn't very strong. A weakling, in fact, because there was no cut. Only an indent. So Roseidous and Roses tried their best to rip out half-hazard slices. The counter-boy arrived with their drinks.

"Wait," Roseidous said, stopping the boy. "I never told you what kind of drinks we wanted."

"Oh," the boy said, "well, I gave you the House Special."

"The House Special?"

"Yeah. Oh, I think my manager is calling me…" The boy scampered off.

Another hour passed, and Roses and Roseidous ate the entire pizza, and drained their glasses to a replica of the arctic. Oddly enough, the drinks left them with a warm, fuzzy feeling inside.

"You know," Roses said, her eyes not quite blinking at the same time, "maybe it's the undercooked anchovies, or that goood House Sp-pecial, but I'm actually having a moderately fun time with you."

Roseidous' head swayed a little back and forth before he realized Roses had said something. "Y-you *hic*, wanna go spend ourr tickepts?"

"Ssuurre." Roses braced herself as she stood up. Roseidous just scooted himself off the chair, and fell to the ground. Roses erupted with laughter, falling to the ground as well. Roses looked over at Roseidous and asked, "Think *hic* you could carry me o-overr to the counter?"

"Surre, if you carry me, too. *hic*"

"I-I think I'm going to fall off the ground."

Roseidous tried to stand up, but collapsed back down as the ground flipped over on him. He wasn't sure, but it felt like there was some kind of rat crawling around in his pocket. He leaped up, screaming. Roses managed to climb up the side of a booth, even in the biggest earthquake she'd ever seen. Roseidous ran over to the prize counter and tripped over an anaconda. Roses slowly stumbled her way over to where Roseidous laid; she could have sworn someone had flooded the place with warm, knee-deep water. Through some miracle, she finally made it, just as Roseidous started rolling around, complaining that he was being attacked by fire ants. He stood up, frantically brushing his jacket off.

"Lett'sss get s-somethinnngg." Roses said, grabbing Roseidous' face for balance.

"Tarantula!!" Roseidous smacked away the hand.

"C-come on, lett'ss pick." Roses said, laying on the glass display.

As Roseidous calmed down, he squinted his eyes for a better look at what was available in the display. Something shiny caught his eye. "I'll take that," he said to the clerk.

"That's a Mr. Bop-It." another clerk said. And that ring costs twenty-five tickets.

"No prrobleemm." Roseidous reached into his jacket. "Hey, where'sss my money? Where's my money! That frickin' rat ate my money!!" Roseidous spun around, and saw the outline of a stuffed Chuckie Cheese mascot. "You stole my money!" Roseidous accused.

"No I didn't." the rat said. "The clerk did. Kill him."

"Liar!" Roseidous lunged at the rat, tackling the thing to the ground. Roseidous bite into its stomach, and pulled with all his might. He started slugging the thing, then stood up, lifting it over he's head, and bringing it down over his knee.

The clerk rushed over. "Sir! Please stop! You-you don't need money for the ring! Only tickets! Do you have any tickets?"

"Oh, yeah, tickets…umm, yeah, I've got tickets." Roseidous searched his pockets. "Hey did you take my tickets? Oh, wait, here they arrre. *hic*" Roseidous handed him the wad of purple stubs.

"I'm sure this is enough." the clerk said, and rushed back over behind the counter. He opened up a small door, and reached into the display, grabbing the ring.

"Here you are." the man handed Roseidous the ring.

Roses was still on top of the display, snoring now. Roseidous poked her. "Wake up," he said.

Roses rolled off the counter, and smacked into the ground. She was instantly jarred awake. "Ow! …what is it? Time for schoolll?"

"N-no," Roseidous said, "I-I just have something to ask you."

"What?" Roses asked, still laying on the floor.

Roseidous leaned down on one knee, and said, "I'm not sure what happened tonight, b-but whatever this is swimming inside my head, I don't want it to go away."

"Try feeding it fish flakes. Works for my fish."

"Roses, will you marry mee?" Roseidous handed her the ring.

Roses reached her hand up limply, laying it atop the ring. "Suuure…" Then she started snoring. Roseidous drifted off, and rolled over on top of Roses, so from above they looked like a human X. There they slept in each other's drool, on the gum-stained tile of Chuckie Cheese, both with a hand on the ring.


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