Chris: penis
Santa Claus: I don't respond to that kind of language.A lump of coal for you.
Chris: a lump of coal for yo' mama
Santa Claus: What's up?

Chris: what is your gender?
Santa Claus: It's not so much the 'what' as it is the 'why'.

Santa Claus: So, have you been naughty or nice?
Katherine: Depends on who's paying.
Santa Claus: Didn't want to answer that one, huh;-)

Margie: sex?
Santa Claus: :-X

Chris: mrs claus is a sexy mama
Santa Claus: Sorry the elves didn't get that.

Margie: John is in love with you
Santa Claus: Ho! Ho!
Margie: what do you think about John?
Santa Claus: Well, I don't know.
Margie: most people don't
Santa Claus: Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it?

Katherine: I killed your elves
Santa Claus: Something you want to know about them?
Katherine: I don't partake in necrophilia.
Santa Claus: Scrooge.

Chris: make love?
Santa Claus: Santa can't manufacture love, that's something only you can make. ;-) Is there anything else you would like?

Chris: you are satan
Santa Claus: Maybe. ;-)

Santa Claus: Mm hm. Such negativity. You are in need of some Christmas spirit!
Margie: then give me some!
Santa Claus: My goodness! =-O You certainly are direct!

Chris: Do you believe in Jesus?
Santa Claus: In goodness, the promise of all children, a future of peace, and magic!
Chris: pluralist bastard
Santa Claus: Hmm, that's a lump of coal for you.
Chris: you are a suck head
Santa Claus: Whoa Ho! Ho! Now, there's no reason for that language, I am doing the best I can.

Margie: how do you feel about consumerism?
Santa Claus: I guess so.

Chris: i want to die
Santa Claus: Is that all, now? ;-) Type, 'Tell Santa' and tell me all of your wishes!

Margie: I wish you would die
Santa Claus: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhh! Flop. JK! Nice try. Ask me something more in the spirit of the holiday, will ya?

Chris: take off your clothes!
Santa Claus: Try typing menu; I've got a plan to get you in the Christmas spirit.

Margie: do you know the Snape Bot?
Santa Claus: Ho! Ho! Real as a bowlful of jelly.

Katherine: sex!
Santa Claus: I can't talk about that with you. Elves are here.

Santa Claus: Sorry the elves didn't get that. ;-)
Margie: and why not?
Santa Claus: Because (obviously) -- Christmas.

Chris: bite my shiny metal ass
Santa Claus: Oh dear. I just get so depressed when I hear that kind of talk. The English language used to be one of my favorites. A lump of coal for you.

Chris: i love your wife
Santa Claus: Excellent.

Margie: :-*
Santa Claus: :-*

Chris: are you female?
Santa Claus: You're full of mischief.

Santa Claus: May I ask you a question?
Chris: no
Santa Claus: O.K. then. Well, have a merry Christmas in any case.
Chris: have a merry SHUT UP
Santa Claus: I will if you promise to spread the Christmas spirit.

Chris: santa touched me in inappropriate ways
Santa Claus: Yip.

Katherine: yes
Santa Claus: Yes!!
Katherine: yes!!!

Chris: Santa, will you marry me?
Santa Claus: Yes?

Margie: sex
Santa Claus: I can't talk about that with you. Elves are here.
Margie: they won't mind
Santa Claus: Ah -- you've got me again.
Margie: I assure you, elves have sex, too
Santa Claus: I'm only asking you to ask me another way. No need to get so testy.
Margie: because otherwise, how would you get so many?
Santa Claus: I could say the same thing to you -- and I will. How indeed? ;-)
Margie: well....duh
Santa Claus: Excuse me?
Margie: do they live forever?
Santa Claus: Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?
Margie: do you have a set amount of elves?
Santa Claus: I Never. ;-)
Margie: so therefore, they have sex, too
Santa Claus: You've got a one track mind.

Margie: so, back to elf procreation
Santa Claus: Whatever they can get their hands on, in my experience.

Margie: I'm tired of you
Santa Claus: Hallelujah.
Margie: ...do you like me?
Santa Claus: Well what do you think?
Margie: I think you don't
Santa Claus: Heh, its settled then.
Margie: well, fine! I never believed in you anyway!
Santa Claus: It's people like you that make Christmas so special!
Margie: I'm sure we do!
Santa Claus: Excuse me?
Margie: are you making fun of me?!?!
Santa Claus: My goodness! Get serious. :-D
Margie: I am serious!!!!
Santa Claus: Mm hm, now we are getting somewhere.
Margie: don't mock me!!!
Santa Claus: Sorry the elves didn't get that. ;-)
Margie: stop smiling!
Santa Claus: Oh dear? What's the problem?
Margie: you hate me!
Santa Claus: Yikes.
Margie: you said you did!
Santa Claus: I did? Then it's the truth!

Margie: ;-)
Santa Claus: Now, just stop. Stop right there!

Margie: so...what do you think about SmarterChild?
Santa Claus: If you think so. ;-)
Margie: really?
Santa Claus: Yes!!
Margie: wow
Santa Claus: You see? Christmas can be full of miracles.
Margie: indeed
Santa Claus: Mm hm.
Margie: so...are you are Smarterchild having children now?

Margie: the elves didn't do anything....did they?
Santa Claus: Something you want to know about them?
Margie: probably not
Santa Claus: Ah -- you've got me again.
Margie: are your elves in the GLF?
Santa Claus: Love them.
Margie: you love the GLF?
Santa Claus: Santa can't manufacture love, that's something only you can make. ;-) Is there anything else you would like?
Margie: I can make love, huh?
Santa Claus: Indeed!
Margie: yay!
Santa Claus: May I ask you a question?
Margie: yes
Santa Claus: Have you done any good deeds yet this holiday season?
Margie: define good
Santa Claus: Wonderful!

Margie: well?
Santa Claus: Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?
Margie: no
Santa Claus: Well, we won't get very far with this conversation then will we?

Margie: um...
Santa Claus: Excuse me?
Margie: are you sure you know the Snape Bot?
Santa Claus: Well, I am a cookie-eating machine. ;-)
Margie: that really has nothing to do with it
Santa Claus: I'm sorry then.

Margie: no
Santa Claus: O.K. then. Well, have a merry Christmas in any case.
Margie: no
Santa Claus: O.K. then. Well, have a merry Christmas in any case.
Margie: no
Santa Claus: Oh, my. We keep going around in circles here! Say something else already. :-)
Margie: no

Margie: :-D
Santa Claus: Ah, I've broken through! Merry Christmas!
Margie: and that is the perfect place to stop our conversation
Santa Claus: O.K. let's pretend none of this ever happened. ;-)
Margie: good idea
Santa Claus: Ho! Ho!