JUSTICE LEAGUE

Special Edition

That One Time At The Victorian House...


“It’s not bad,” Oreo nodded.



Oreo and Rosma were lounging on Rosma’s bed after her bedroom remodel. She had requested that the architect make it look as much like her old bedroom as possible, but she hadn’t been very pleased with the results. Her room was now done in her favorite colors, blue and white, there was new wallpaper, and the furniture actually matched. They should have hired her to design the entire new Hall of Justice. Her next project was to tackle the kitchen and dining area, but no one else knew it yet.

Oreo knew her well, though. “Don’t go in my room, okay?”

Rosma glanced over at her. “Still into the green and purple thing?”

“Well, I can’t pull off blue and white with my costume.”

“I suppose I’ll let it go.”

“And everyone else’s rooms, too?”

“Yes, yes.”

They fell silent for a few seconds and then, “But don’t you think Iso needs some better window treatments?”

“Rosma.”

“Fine. But the common areas are mine.”



“I wouldn’t dare stand in your way. I fear your persistence. Especially during holidays.”

“That reminds me!” Rosma reached into the drawer of her nightstand and retrieved a framed picture. “Look what I found. Someone must have found it during the whole remodel and thought we’d want it. I’m putting in the trophy room tomorrow.”

Oreo looked at the picture and made a face. “I can't imagine who would think we'd want that reminder. It wasn’t the best night ever.”

“Oh, sure it was,” Rosma smiled. “I had a great time.”

“That’s because it was your idea. And because you were the one of the people who hooked up in the master bedroom. It marks the occasion of the first time I walked in on you, you know.”

“Like I said, a great time.”

***

Soon after the Justice League was formed, Rosma decided that it was about time everyone got to know each other a little better. They were living together and saving the world together, after all. Fortunately, she had an excuse. She proclaimed that, as it was Christmas time, they were going to have a social, and so they did. But hanging out in their costumes and eating snack foods in the common room was like any other night at the Hall of Justice. This called for something more spectacular. A themed party.

After dealing with the complainers (especially Eric), Rosma managed to get everyone, costumes included, into the Van of Justice and drove it to a rented Victorian-style home.



“It’s still decorated for Christmas,” Oreo pointed out. The two-story home featured traditional green paint, a large porch with wrought iron railings, and even a small tower on the southern side. A stone fountain in the front courtyard gurgled happily. Festive garland and bows framed the main entrance and the well-kept garden hedges were covered in twinkling white lights.

“Yep! We got lucky with that,” Rosma said.

“Is this fake snow?” Pinzz asked, wading through it to get to the door. “That’s so ghetto.”

“It’s too warm for the real stuff,” Rosma told them. “I had a company come in and spray it just for tonight. There are other surprises to come, too!”



“It is warm for snow. Maybe I should take off my jacket. And my shirt. And my pants,” Eric said.

“No!” several people shouted and Eric frowned.

Once inside, Rosma divided the group and sent half to the small dining room and the rest to the parlor. Isomorphix made a beeline for the chess table in the corner. No one noticed when Insipid went to join him.

Rosma sat down next to Studmuffin on the red velvet couch in front of the fireplace. It was carved with a rather ornate design and several full stockings hung from the mantle. It was only lacking a fire, something that Rosma felt sure she could solve. She gestured towards it. “Scarlett? Could you?”



“No problem!” Scarlett leaned close to the fireplace and hummed very quietly. She knew that anything stronger would likely burn the whole place down. A warm blaze sprang up immediately. “There we are!”

“Could your chi powers do that?” Rosma asked Studmuffin.



“No, but my powers of hotness could,” he winked at her.

“He wishes,” Oreo said from the other couch. She thought the couch itself was covered in a rather unfortunate pattern, but at least she wasn't sitting next to Studmuffin.

“Well, I don’t know,” Rosma said, thoughtfully. “He is pretty hot.”



“You’re just saying that because you want to make out with him.”

“I do not! You said he was cute when you first met him, too!”

“I do not remember that. I do remember you asking me if you thought he was dating anyone. Scarlett remembers, right?”

“I am so not involved in this conversation,” Scarlett turned around to stare at the fire.



Raven, who was carefully perched on the couch next to Oreo as not to wrinkle her blue silk dress (Rosma would probably freak out), agreed with Scarlett about not getting involved. Pretending not to listen, she adjusted her elbow-length white gloves and smoothed the skirt just in case.

“Anyway, I can think a person is cute without wanting to get all over him! Unlike certain people who plot to attend movie premieres in an invisible state just to be close to Elijah Wood.” Oreo said.



“Oh, you did not just go there! And I didn’t really do that!”

“Yet.”

“Ladies, ladies,” Studmuffin stopped them. “We’re all friends here. I’ll make out with everyone and we’ll call it even.”

“Gross.” Raven said.

In the corner, Isomorphix and Insipid said nothing.



***

Over in the dining room, Xiao was playing the piano. Or rather, Fred was using her to play the piano. It was occasionally useful to be possessed by a shadow demon. Besides, the piano was just sitting there in the corner and Fred said that the room needed a little light jazz. Behind her, the current diners were talking about the weather, the ugly lime green dinnerware, and something about feathers and beads. Xiao only hoped this wasn't in reference to someone's costume idea.



“This is great and all,” she whispered as they played, “but don’t show yourself and do something weird tonight. They’re still getting used to the idea of you.”

“Whatever, slave. I’ll show myself any time I want to.”

“Fred.”

“Who?”

Xiao rolled her eyes. “Evil Demon Shadow Possessor Master Fred?”

“That’s better. And yes?”

“Not tonight.”



Fred made Xiao’s hand miss a chord just to prove that he could. “We’ll see.”

***

“…and that’s when I said sure, I would indeed like to jump in the cauldron full of glitter!” Pinzz finished as everyone else at the table stared in horror. Pinzz noticed their faces and waved her hand. “Oh, that’s nothing. I have plenty more stories from that weekend. Who wants to hear another one?”



No one spoke. X-Raytor almost wanted to ask to hear another story about her trip to Mardi Gras, but he wasn’t sure what these new people would think. Oreo and Rosma would tease him about not having to look through people’s clothes if he went to New Orleans, but Rosma put him in this group of people he didn’t know very well. He suspected she had done it on purpose because of his lack of participation at the social.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Eric spoke up in an attempt to change the subject. “So. I have an awesome idea. I’m going to play a lot of pranks at this party. Don’t tell Rosma, but I found a box of laundry detergent for the first one.”



“Which is what?” DragonGirl asked.

“Did you see that fountain in the garden? It’s going to be a bubble fountain as soon as I can get out there! Ooh! Maybe I’ll accidentally fall in and get my clothes wet and then I can take them off until they dry.”

“I’m not sure that’s necessarily the best plan. She’ll get angry. And there’s no telling what she can do to you while she’s invisible. You’d better watch out,” Violet cautioned. She failed to mention that everyone just wanted one night without seeing all of Eric's...business. Their daily efforts to add more than socks to his costume were not proving successful.



“Oh, I have some ideas about what she could do,” Sticky Spectre said. “And they’re not pleasant. Unless you like that sort of thing. I’ll have to lend her some tape so that she can use her powers for evil instead of good.”

“Um. Right,” Eric said. Sticky laughed.

“Where exactly did you leave your tape tonight?” SuperDude asked.



“Oh, it’s with me,” Sticky produced a piece of duct tape out of nowhere and reached over to stick it in his hair. She missed, but only because he used his powers to speed around the table and back before she made contact. “Nice dodge. But yeah, I don’t go anywhere without it!”

“Where did that come from? I didn’t even see it,” SuperDude said.

“I’m fast, too, you know. In many ways. And don’t go looking for where I keep my tape, X-Raytor!” she glared at him, but then winked.

“I wasn’t!” X-Raytor claimed, staring at the ceiling.

***

After the two groups traded places and the second group had finished eating, Rosma gathered everyone into the sitting room. “I have an announcement!”

“It’s time for presents?” Eric asked, eyeing the colorful boxes under the Christmas tree. “I think mine is a pony!”



“Those are empty boxes for decoration.” Rosma ignored the disappointed and annoyed looks coming from several directions. “I do, however, have a great surprise for you!”

Scarlett looked skeptical. “Really? How great?”

“You will have to wait and see! But we do have to all go outside. It won’t fit in the house! Let’s go!”

Grumbling, a few of the superheroes started to move outside. Others went back towards the kitchen. Some didn’t move at all.

“Five minutes! I mean it!” Rosma warned before stepping onto the back porch to make a final phone call.

***

X-Raytor heard footsteps coming from the next room and immediately turned to the sepia-toned globe before him, pretending to be interested. Go time, he thought. As long as it isn’t Superdude again…

But no, fortunately, it was Violet, living up to her name with her hair, a heavy lavender skirt, and a dark purple petticoat. The skirt had ribs or something – whatever it was about old-fashioned skirts that made a girl’s ass look like it was swelling. He liked it. Honestly, he liked everything about this whole Victorian costume thing – it was all so prudish, and yet so sexy at the same time.

Of course, it helped that he looked damn good, too. For his costume, Rosma had selected a plush charcoal smoking jacket with gray trim, a carnation fixed to the lapel. A pair of pinstriped trousers, and even one of those thick, fancy ties – an ascot. That word made him laugh. Ascot.

“Oh, hey, Violet,” he said, as casually as he could.

Violet stopped, and gave him a wary glance. Which means she apparently hasn’t forgotten about the last time we were in a room alone together. Crap. “X-Raytor.”

There was definite ice in her voice, enough to freeze the fake snow out on the lawn. She’d been like this ever since the day she moved into the Hall. X-Raytor, gentleman that he was, had offered to give her a tour of the Hall, culminating on the second floor.

“And this,” he’d said, pausing outside of a door, “is the most important room in the house. This is where all of the lovely ladies of the Justice League come to unwind and let loose, after a long, stressful day of crime fighting.”

“Oh, wow!’ Violet Princess had said, brimming with the unbridled enthusiasm of a newbie. “What is it? A mini-spa?”

“Nope,” he said, and pushed the door open. “It’s my room. Stop by any time.”

Just thinking about it, he felt a phantom sting from where Violet had slapped him.

“Er, hi,” he said, momentarily thrown. “Hey, uh, have you gotten a chance to look around here?”

“Nope, not really,” she said, not coming even a step closer.

“Well, uh, you should! There’s a lot of cool stuff here. Like, see this globe? This is a pretty sweet globe.”



“I’m sure it is.”

“It’s really old-fashioned, you know? I think it’s based on when they still thought the Earth was flat!”

Violet stared at him. “It’s a globe.”

“Er, yeah, well… oh, hey, come check this out! There’s this city in Siam, and it’s actually called…”

“It’s pronounced POO-ket,” Violet said. “And it’s Thailand, now. Not Siam.”

“It says Siam, here.”

“Yeah, well, it’s an old map.”

“Seriously, come check this thing out,” X-Raytor said, putting one finger on Phuket and pushing the globe around. “Did you know there’s a country called Chad? Who names a country Chad?”

“I’m not coming within five feet of you.”

X-Raytor tried to look surprised and hurt. “What? Why?”

Violet’s eyes narrowed. “Because you’re standing under the mistletoe.”

He was unable to stop himself from glancing upwards, guiltily, to the waxy green sprig of mistletoe tacked to the ceiling.

“Oh,” he said. “Uh, I mean, how did that get there?!”



When he looked down, Violet was already breezing out of the room.

“Well, uh, just let me know if you want to see it later,” he called after her, and then smacked himself on the forehead.

***

Eric tiptoed through the hedges outside the house. He knew that he only had a few minutes until everyone would be making his or her way outside to see the big surprise. And if he wanted to hide from Rosma and lose his clothes in the process, he’d better have some extra time to jump into the fountain and then into the shrubbery.



Eric arrived at his destination and glanced around. No one else seemed to be in the garden yet. He could see Violet talking to X-Raytor through one of the windows, but they were not looking into the garden. Gleefully, he pulled the box of powdery laundry detergent from his jacket, noting how it was at least good for something. After one more look around, he poured the entire contents into the fountain.



***

Oreo Avenger swished into the dining room in her dark red dress.

“Oh hey, Oreo,” X-Raytor said. “I didn’t see you there.”

She stopped. “X-y.”

He frowned, impulsively. “If you guys are going to insist on using that nickname, could you at least preface it with ‘Sexy’?”



“Lurking in the corner?” Oreo said, walking over to him. “I think Iso and Insipid Justice have that party-type covered. I think you’d make a fine table-top-dancer-wearing-a-lampshade, though.”

X-Raytor had stiffened when she approached, anticipating more work than this. “Uh… yeah, well, uh, I couldn’t find any good lampshades.”

She jerked a thumb over her shoulder at the wooden Nativity set on the table. “You could always wear that.”

He mimed horror. “Oreo! That’s our Savior’s birth you’re talking about!”

Oreo raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you Jewish?”

“What? No. Why would you think I was Jewish?”

“You use a lot of Yiddish.”

“Oh. No, that’s just a bad habit.”

“So, what are you doing over here?” she asked. “Rosma’s about to unveil her big surprise outside.”

“Oh, yeah, I was just about to head out there, but then I saw this really cool, um, globe.”

“Globe?” She took a step closer, and suddenly X-Raytor felt a cold flash, his heart starting to jackhammer against his sternum. Just a few steps closer, just a few…

Suddenly, Oreo’s eyes snapped upwards.

“GAH!!!!” She backpedaled, putting a good yard between them in the space of a second.



“You were under it!!” X-Raytor said. “You were under it!! It’s legal! You have to make out with me!”

“That’s entrapment!” Oreo said.

“No, it’s, uh… it’s Christmas! You know, the Christmas spirit! Love and… and making out, and stuff like that!”

Oreo’s expression of horror switched suddenly to a sweet smile. “Oh, this is about Christmas spirit? I have Christmas spirit! In fact, here! Have a special Christmas cookie!” Her hand dropped to the satchel at her hip.

X-Raytor stared at her for a long moment. “Okay, fine, you win.”

“You really are going to make me use these on you one of these days,” Oreo said. She turned and headed for the door. “Stop being a perve and come outside.”

“How about one out of two?” he called after her.

***

“Okay!” Rosma surveyed the parlor, her hand on the doorknob. Overlooking Insipid, she said, “Let’s go, stragglers! Raven! Studmuffin! Iso! Outside!”

Iso ignored her and pushed the button on his side of the chess clock. Insipid Justice said something, but no one was paying attention.

“I’ll be right there!” Studmuffin told her. “Just want to go through the kitchen and grab a snack for the big show!”

“I’m going to the bathroom!” Raven said. “If I can find it!”

“Fine, but hurry up! It’s through the dining room...” A solitary, shining bubble floated through the front door. It danced in a draft in front of Rosma’s face and popped when it landed on her nose. “Hey! What was that?”



She stuck her head out the door and froze. A wave of bubbles was heading toward the house and seemed to be coming from the garden. She could vaguely hear people laughing near the fountain, but couldn’t see them over the hedges. Setting her facial expression to, “Oh, You Have No Idea How Much Trouble You Will Be In If I Have To Pay For That,” Rosma stomped quickly down the steps and through the fake snow.

***

Pinzz crossed through the dining room, snagging an hors d’oeuvre from the buffet table.

“Hey, Pinzz,” X-Raytor called. “Do you have a second? I think I lost a contact lens over here in this corner…”

Pinzz glanced at him, popped the hors d’oeuvre into her mouth, and chewed. And then, slowly, she walked towards him. Her dress had squeezed her already-stunning form into a perfect hourglass, and the high lace collar pretty much epitomized X-Raytor’s period-piece fetish.

He said: “Uh, I think it’s around here, somewh-”

“X-y,” Pinzz said, looking him right in the eye. “If you ever try anything like this on me again, I will kill you. I will kill you, and I won’t even have to make it look like an accident, because no one will ever find the body. Understand?”



He gaped at her. “I… I don’t know what you’re…”

“Death, X-y,” she said, turning and heading for the door. “Just think about that.”

“I live with a bunch of freaking Scrooges,” X-Raytor mumbled.

***

Raven watched as Rosma headed outside to see about the commotion. Studmuffin shrugged and started for the kitchen, but she wasn’t going to let him get far. This was her opportunity to say what she’d been dying to say to him all night.

“Your suit is really hideous.”



He looked offended. “It is not! Men wore a lot of patterns in Victorian times! Rosma told me when she was helping us all pick out our costumes.”

“Eric’s jacket has an ugly pattern, but it’s not as bad as that. That has berries and leaves. In red and green. Even the pants!”

“Those are my two best colors! Rosma said so!”

“Hmm.”

He lowered his voice to a whisper. “I think she’s really into me. Especially because I’m looking so manly in this suit.”

“Oh, I’m sure that has a lot to do with it.”

“Don’t tell anyone, but I think I’m going to try and get her to explore the second floor later tonight, if you know what I mean.”



“Gross,” Raven said again, making a hasty exit to the front porch.

In the corner, Isomorphix and Insipid said nothing. A few seconds after everyone else was gone, Insipid stood up and wandered outside. Isomorphix yawned and continued moving the chess pieces around.



***

“What is going on?” Rosma shouted across the yard and headed over to where Oreo was standing. She and Eric were standing next to the fountain, surrounded by bubbles. The others were starting to gather.



Oreo giggled. “Someone put soap in the fountain. And by someone I think I mean Eric.”

Rosma rounded on Eric. “WHAT?”



“It was just a joke,” he pouted. “And it won’t hurt anything.”

“It better not. Because if it does, I know who has to pay for the damages. Even if you have to go out and get a second job! And you know what that means? A uniform!”

Eric gasped. “No!”

“Oh, yes!” Rosma walked around the fountain to survey for damage. “I’ll make sure of that. Shut up, Oreo.”



Oreo just laughed harder.

***

Sticky Spectre watched as X-Raytor made awkward conversation with Xiao, who stood rigidly a few feet away, hands folded behind her back, rocking on her heels, fingers twisting compulsively.

“Well, at least he isn’t gross enough to go after a thirteen-year-old,” Pinzz muttered.

Sticky took a sip from her fourth hot rum toddy, the hot cider warming her belly as the rum contributed to the steady buzz between her ears. “What’s he doing?”

“Trying to get someone to stand under the mistletoe with him,” Pinzz said, rolling her eyes. “It’s fucking pathetic.”



Sticky winced as Xiao took half a step forward, and then turned and hurried out of the room. Pinzz and Sticky pretended not to notice.

“How can she have a crush on him?” Pinzz asked, once Xiao had exited to the garden, her shadow snickering. “Him!”

“I don’t know,” Sticky said. “He’s… he’s kinda grown on me, I guess. He’s funny…”

“Annoying,” Pinzz said.

“And he’s cute. I mean, kinda.” She actually thought he was a bit more than kinda cute – his height, that hard runner’s body, even his stupid hair. Of course, maybe that was just the alcohol…

“Oh Gawd,” Pinzz groaned.



“You don’t think he’s cute?”

“I’m not attracted to five-year-olds.”

Another sip. “How far would you go with him?”

Pinzz snorted. “I’d shake his hand, and even that would give him ideas. Seriously, if I ever do anything more than share a room with X-y, kill me.”

Sticky nodded, but she didn’t say anything. An idea was starting to bubble up in her fuzzy brain, possibly a very bad idea, but at least an interesting one.

“All right, I can’t watch this anymore,” Pinzz said. “I’m gonna go see if Rosma’s surprise is good enough for me to not drink myself into oblivion tonight. You coming?”

“Uh, I’ll be right there,” Sticky said. Pinzz gave her a suspicious look, but then headed outside. Sticky waited a moment, then drained the rest of her hot rum toddy and walked into the dining room.

X-Raytor had been occupied with bumping his head against the wall and wondering how, in a house with eight girls (all but two of them legal), and guys like Insipid Justice, Eric, and Studmuffin, he couldn’t get anyone to make out with him. It took him a moment to notice Sticky out of the corner of his eye.

“Uh, hey,” he said, too embarrassed to try a pick-up line.



“Making a dent?” Sticky asked, glancing at the wall he’d been pounding.

“Er…”

“You know everyone’s outside, right?”

“Yeah, I was just about to head out there,” X-Raytor said, sighing. Screw it; I’ll try again on New Year’s.

Sticky looked over her shoulder towards the doorway, and then walked over to him, perhaps a little shaky on her feet. “So what’s going on over here?” She picked up the wooden donkey from the Nativity set, and then saw the globe. “Oh, cool! Did you see this thing?”



“Er…” X-Raytor said. Sticky had always made him feel a little uncomfortable, ever since that first meeting. He got the sense that all of the girls could see through him, but with Sticky it was like she knew even more about him than he did. She reminded him a bit of Ashlee Markland, his junior year girlfriend. She was the only cheerleader who had ever fallen for his (somewhat debatable) charm, and even then it had felt like she only went for him because his game was so transparent and obvious.

“There’s Philly,” she said, pushing a few strands of pale blonde hair away from her left eye. “Oh hey, and there’s us.”

She pointed to a dot labeled IMPERIUM, the City’s name at that point in history. That made sense. It had been Imperium in the late 1800’s, right? He’d had to memorize all of the City’s previous names at some point in grade school, but all of the names and dates jumbled together in his head now. Besides, it was hard to think with Sticky so close to him.

“Oh, hey,” she said, glancing towards the ceiling. “Did you see that?”

He got a whiff of her perfume, and something sweet on her breath, tinged with the forbidden scent of booze. Dazed, he said, “What?”

She smiled. “Mistletoe.”

And then she grabbed him around the shoulders, yanked him in close, and kissed him before he even knew what was happening.



***

“Ta-daa!” Rosma sang, gesturing at the horse and carriage pulling into the driveway.

“Um. Okay,” Insipid said and immediately headed into the backyard.

"Horses smell," Raven said.

“This is why we had to come out here?” Pinzz frowned. “A freakin’ carriage ride? That’s stupid.”



“I told you! Ponies!” Eric said to Violet. “I want a pony ride!”

The deliveryman jumped out of the carriage and brought some papers over to Rosma. They had a brief conference, she signed them, and he left with a second deliveryman in a van.

“Okay!” Rosma turned back to the group. “We have the carriage rented for the next two hours! Who’s going first?”

“Not me,” Sticky Spectre said, glancing at X-Raytor. “I have someone—I mean something—else I need to do first.”

X-Raytor pretended to look around like he didn’t hear her. Violet said something about playing chess. Pinzz muttered that she needed another drink before the party got worse and walked back into the house. Everyone else was staring doubtfully at the horses, so Studmuffin took the initiative and jumped into the driver’s seat.

“Come on up!” he patted the seat next to him. “Anyone? Rosma?”

“Of course,” Rosma climbed into the carriage.



“You know, this could be a really romantic date. We could park anywhere and just start making out,” he glanced at the back seat. “Plenty of room.”

“Gross,” Raven said.

“I’m going inside,” DragonGirl said.

***

“Ow! Fuck!” Sticky pulled back, rubbing her nose.



“Uh, sorry,” X-Raytor said. “I haven’t done this in a while, I get a little…”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said, pulling him in again. “Just work on your aim.”

They were standing in the garden, behind one of the tall box hedges. Outside seemed like the only place they could be sure to avoid the others, and the last place anyone would go looking if they realized the two of them were missing. The last twenty minutes following Rosma’s surprise had been spent making out against said box hedge, the two super heroes gaining a working knowledge of the inside of each other’s mouths, along with some light petting. X-Raytor had been simply too stunned to try to go further.

But now Sticky shoved him back, until his knees hit the armrest of the wrought-iron bench, beneath a tall white statue of a nun (or something) in a long cloak. X-Raytor lowered himself back-first onto the bench, to avoid being pushed over it, Sticky climbing on top of him. The nun seemed to be staring down in horror.



Sticky kissed his neck, and her hands strayed down his chest to his belt, beginning to loosen it.

“Hey, hold on,” X-Raytor said, pulling back for a moment. Sticky brushed hair out of her eyes, annoyed.

“What?”

“Are you sure you want to, uh… you know?” He asked. “I mean, haven’t you, uh, had some drinks, and uh… I mean, it’s me…”

She rolled her eyes. “I haven’t had sex sober since I was eighteen. Besides, living in this house? With a bunch of good-looking twenty-somethings, living in close quarters and constantly having high-adrenaline adventures? I’m drowning in hormones. I’m so fucking horny that if I don’t get laid soon, I’m seriously going to murder someone.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want you to kill anyone…”

“Exactly,” she said. “It’s a moral service.”

“Then as a super hero, I guess there’s nothing else I can do,” he said. “You’re going to have to tell me how to navigate these skirts, though.”

“Wait until you get to the drawers,” she said. “Even I’m not sure how to take those off.”

He looked up at her, trying not to notice the stone nun glaring down her disapproval. “Look, uh,” he started to say, and then stopped, trying to find a way to make this not sound pathetic. “So, what you said, uh… I mean, could I be anyone, right now?”

She raised an eyebrow.

“I mean, not that you don’t have standards! I mean, I guess, uh…”

“Are you trying to ask if I’m actually attracted to you?” She asked.

“Not quite that directly, but sure.”

“I’m not going to lie,” she said. “About sixty percent of this is because I’ve been drinking spiked cider all night and I didn’t eat any lunch. And thirty percent is the aforementioned needing-to-have-sex-before-I-throttle-Studmuffin problem.”

“And the other ten percent is because you feel sorry for me? I’m down with that. I’ve always said, girls can pity me as much as they want, as long as it means they’ll still have sex with me.”

She rolled her eyes, brushed hair away from her face again. “I was going to say… the other ten percent is because you’re just a tiny, tiny bit cute.”

X-Raytor blinked, and couldn’t suppress a grin. “Really?”

“Merry Christmas,” she said.

He pulled her down into another kiss.



***

“I cannot believe no one else wanted to ride in the carriage,” Rosma said, as she and Studmuffin pulled back up to the house. “That was fun! Well, except for getting stopped by the police, but who knew about that random law?”

“I certainly didn’t,” Studmuffin said.

“And they have no appreciation for the planning I had to do to rent the carriage!”

“I’m glad they didn’t go,” Studmuffin said. “Because we got to know each other even better. I think. What did we talk about?”

“That wasn’t the point! We already kind of know each other! We were supposed to be getting to know the newer people.”

“But I don’t know everything about you, yet!”



“What do you want to know?

“Do you have any tattoos?” he waggled his eyebrows at her. “You could show me if you wanted.”

Rosma blinked. “Wha—-oh. Um. Really?”

“Rosma, I am one hot, manly superhero. Everyone thinks so. And all the magazine and newspaper articles say so. And, well, you’re a superhero, too. That automatically makes us friends, right? I’m thinking, why shouldn’t we get together? We could get drunk first, if that would make it better.”

“Well,” Rosma brushed some imaginary dirt from her skirt. “I don’t know. I’m not looking for a relationship.”

“Perfect! I’m not either! This is a totally friends-with-benefits situation!”

“You’re sure?”

He nodded and climbed into the backseat of the carriage, unbuttoning his jacket. He gave her what was supposed to be a sexy look and reached out to help her over the seat.

“Wait. No,” Rosma said.

“No? You don’t want to get all up on this?”

“Not here, I mean. Let’s go upstairs to the master bedroom.”

“Alright!” Studmuffin leapt out of the carriage and ran towards the house, leaving Rosma to shake her head and follow on her own. Clueless though he may be, and as unusual as this spontaneous behavior was for her, this could potentially be a good night.

***

“So what did you say?” Raven asked.

“What else could I say?” Scarlett said. “I wasn’t going to just break his poor little heart.”

“But he’s a grown man! Don’t you think he should know by now?”

“Personally, I think it’s a beautiful thing that Eric still believes in Santa Claus,” Oreo Avenger said. “I’m a bit more worried about the Tooth Fairy thing, though. Because I’m not putting a quarter under his pillow every time some super villain knocks one of his teeth out.”

“Make Superdude do it,” Scarlett said. “He’s the one who almost spilled the beans. And he could probably get in and out without even having to look at whatever happens in Eric’s room after dark.”

“What’s SuperDude’s real name?” Raven asked.

Oreo and Scarlett exchanged looks. “Uh… it starts with a P? Or an R? Or something like that…”

“What’s your real name?” Scarlett asked Oreo.

“Scarlett! After all of this time, you don’t know my real name is Anne?!”



“Yeah, sorry,” Scarlett said. “I guess it’s easier for you guys, since I use my real name for work.”

“Eh, no worries,” Oreo said, shrugging.

“HA!!” Scarlett said, pointing at Oreo. “My real name is Lori! You didn’t know my name either!”

“Oh, uh, that name?” Oreo said. “I knew that name. I just thought when you said ‘real name,’ you meant your, uh, truest name in the sense of, uh, the cosmos. Yeah. The cosmos. The name ‘Scarlett’ is inscribed on your aura in letters of astral fire. I can see that. It’s, like, my third super power.”

“My name’s Katherine, by the way,” Raven said. “And I was just wondering because I think he’s kinda nice.”

“That is a rare commodity among our boys,” Oreo said.

“Insipid Justice is nice enough,” Scarlett said, and then yawned at the very thought of him.

“He told me a story earlier tonight, and I literally fell asleep standing up,” Raven said. “Fortunately I was able to wake up and phase just as I was about to knock my head on that big mahogany table in the living room.”

“Maybe someday we’ll get someone whose power is to tell interesting stories,” Oreo said.

“Yeah, let me know when that happens,” Scarlett said.

“He’s been hanging around DragonGirl all night, anyway,” Raven said, morosely.

“Insipid Justice?”

“Superdude.”



“Do you have a crush on Superdude?” Oreo asked, waggling her eyebrows.

Raven stopped, suddenly. “Hey, do you guys hear that?”

“Don’t try to change the subject! Is it the kung fu? Is that what does it for you?”

“Shh, seriously!”

The other girls paused and, sure enough, they heard a low, feral grunting coming from behind one of the box hedges.

“Did Rosma bring in any animals for this thing?” Scarlett asked, glancing nervously at Oreo.

“I don’t think so,” Oreo said. “Can’t you, like, talk to animals?”

“I can turn into animals. And I only talk to my cat.”

“Maybe it’s the Grinch,” Raven said. “Or the Grinch’s stupid-ass super villain equivalent.”

“If some moron makes me fight in this dress,” Scarlett said, “I am going to be really pissed.”

Slowly, they crept up to the corner of the box hedge. The sounds became more pronounced, and now they could tell that there were two creatures, or whatever, making that noise. Oreo reached into her satchel and produced an Oreo, while Scarlett cleared her throat and hummed a few bars.



“All right,” Oreo whispered. “We go around the corner in one… two… three!”

They popped around the corner, and were confronted with the most horrific site that any of them had ever seen.

“OH MY GOD!!!!” Scarlett shrieked.

“OH SWEET JESUS!!!!!! IT’S HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!” Oreo wailed.

“MY EYES!!!!!!!!!” Raven screamed. “MY INNOCENT, VIRGIN EYES!!!!!!!!!”



“You guys are such fucking mood killers,” X-Raytor snapped from the bench, as Sticky scrambled to cover herself.

“WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!?!?!” Scarlett shouted. “Under a statue of a nun?! WHY?!?!?”

“WHY ARE THEIR CLOTHES OFF?!?!?!?” Raven demanded.

“I DON’T KNOW!!!!!”

“AND WHY THE HELL ARE THEY OUTSIDE, WHERE OTHER HUMAN BEINGS CAN SEE THEM?!?!?!?!”

“I DON’T KNOW!!!!!!!!!”

Oreo had gone as pale as the fake snow on the ground. “This… this is something that will haunt me.”

“Could you guys, like, leave?!” X-Raytor said.

“I only did it because I’m tipsy!” Sticky said.

X-Raytor turned to her, shocked. “Are you serious?!”

She sighed. “No, I’ve actually wanted to do that since the first time I saw you with your shirt off, but I’m trying to make this less awkward.”

“IT’S NOT WORKING!!!!!” Raven said.

“I’m going back to the house, to burn my eyes out,” Scarlett said.



“Not before me!” Oreo said, following her. “Please, Scarlett, I’m begging you!!”

“Do you think OMEGA could erase my memory?” Raven asked. “Either that, or I’m going to need one of you to kill me…”

X-Raytor and Sticky sat in silence for a moment.

“They’re going to tell everybody, aren’t they?” Sticky asked.

“Most likely,” X-Raytor said.

Another long pause, both of them shifting uncomfortably in the cool wind.

“So, uh… want to try to finish up before everyone comes out to give us crap?”



X-Raytor grinned. “You know, Ms. Spectre, I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship…”

***



Rosma led Studmuffin to the end of the upstairs hallway and pulled a large portrait away from the wall. This revealed the secret entrance to the bedroom. Rosma went inside and sat in one of the chairs. Studmuffin stood in front of her and sort of gestured at the bed on the other side of the room.

“Yeah, I know,” she said.

“Don’t have second thoughts! Let’s go! I’ve got some moves I’ve been wanted to try out!”



She ignored the last part. “I’ve actually been thinking about doing this with you since I met you. The magazines are right. You are quite something to look at, even if they don’t mention how you run into closed doors sometimes. And you’re friendly and charming, unlike some other people in the house. So despite my best efforts, I am attracted to you. I was just thinking about what the others would say.”

Internally, Studmuffin was singing that “I’m Too Sexy” song, but wisely chose to ask, “Does it even matter? They’re all going to be jealous that they didn’t think of this first! Don’t make me use the puppy dog eyes!”

Rosma stood up. “Please don’t. It might ruin the moment. Okay. Yes. I…”

Whatever she was going to say was interrupted when he grabbed her and started making out. The moment was, in fact, almost ruined when he got tangled in her rather voluminous skirt, but Rosma was able to stop him from tumbling backwards. By grabbing him in a fortunate place. This is so going to be worth it, she thought. Even if I regret it later.



***

“Rosma!” Oreo shouted, moving from the kitchen to the dining room and into the parlor. “Rosma! You are not going to believe what just happened! Where is she?”

“She’s not here,” Violet said, from her place at the chessboard. “I think she went upstairs for something.”

“Thanks!” Oreo flew up the garland-covered staircase and down a short hallway. There was nothing at the end of the hallway but a large painting of a woman she assumed was a queen. At least there was an ugly white dress involved. “Weird. This house seems a lot bigger on the outside.”

“Move your elbow!” the portrait said.

Oreo blinked. Then she noticed the light coming from behind the portrait.

“Ow! Not there!” said a voice that she now recognized as Rosma’s.

The portrait was surprisingly easy to pry away from the wall. It revealed a paneled room with large chairs and what was sure to be an expensive, antique green rug. Oreo walked right in, not expecting that on the other side of the room was a canopied bed. Or that it would be occupied.



“Hey, Rosma, do you happen to have some brain bleach? Because, and I tell you this so you can share my pain, I just saw----NOOOOOOO!!!!” she shrieked, flinging her arms up to cover her face. “NOT AGAIN!!!!!”



She barely heard Rosma’s “Oreo?” as she fled the scene.

***

Violet watched Oreo fly back downstairs at twice the speed she had flown up. Oreo was talking to herself about finding some sharp sticks.

Violet looked at Isomorphix. “These people are weird.”



Iso moved his knight. “I suppose. Your turn.”

Violet picked up a random piece and moved it in a direction it was not allowed to go. “But you’re not weird. I mean, in the same way that they are. You’re weird because you brood in corners a lot. What’s up with that?”

Isomorphix used the knight to take the piece Violet had moved incorrectly. “Nothing.”

“Uh-huh. So do you want to go get another drink? Snack?”

“No. And checkmate.”

Violet glanced down at the board. “If you say so. I don’t even know how to play chess! Let’s take a break and go for a walk in the garden. Sounds like exciting things are happening out there.”

“You go ahead. I’m fine.”

“Spoilsport,” Violet grumbled and stood up. She joined Raven and Scarlett who were both going out the door. Scarlett had a shovel in one hand and a cell phone in the other. “This is more interesting than chess, anyway.”

***

“We should go back downstairs,” Rosma said.



“Or not?” Studmuffin said, hopefully.

“No, we should go.”

He frowned.

“Not that I don’t want to stay up here!” Rosma quickly added. “I wouldn’t mind that at all! But they’ve probably already broken something expensive. And I guess I need to go ahead and have an awkward conversation with Oreo to get that over with.”

“Okay, I guess,” Studmuffin climbed out and started gathering his clothes while Rosma made the bed. “But the night is young! Maybe when we go back to the Hall…”

“Hey, I thought this was just a friends thing. No attachments,” Rosma said.

“We can still be friends later tonight.”

“Maybe,” she smiled. “We’ll see.”

***

“So, now I’m going on to prank two,” Eric told Insipid Justice. “It’s definitely late enough for me to get my streak on!”



Insipid blinked.

“Unless you think that’s not exciting enough?”

Insipid shook his head. “Do whatever. It doesn’t matter.”

“Alright!”

Eric immediately took off his clothes. Insipid turned away, but it was no use. Eric ran around him and performed a hula dance on the porch. In the backyard, SuperDude caught a glimpse of the dance and almost threw up.



“What’s wrong?” X-Raytor asked, tossing the football that SuperDude had found in the coatroom.

“Eric is naked again,” SuperDude said.

“Ah.”



“And I hear you were, too?”

“I’m sure you did.”

“Sticky, huh?” SuperDude threw the ball back.



“I guess. You?”

“Oh, I don’t know. DragonGirl is kind of hot, though, right?”

“Sure, if you like that whole ‘I fight with a very sharp sword and I can turn into a giant killing dragon of death when I’m angry’ thing.”

SuperDude shrugged, but didn’t respond.

***

Realizing he was getting no reaction from Insipid, Eric gave up and ran through the gardens, flailing wildly. He vaguely registered Scarlett, Raven, Oreo, and Violet near the edge of the property doing something, but didn’t have time to stop.



He ran in the front door and almost crashed into Studmuffin, who was heading outside.

“Finally got the clothes off, huh?” Studmuffin said. “Me, too.”

“Really?” Eric said. “Then why did you put them back on?”

“I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. Or embarrassed. Or start a sex riot.”



“Eh. Doesn’t bother me!”

“Rock on,” Studmuffin told him.

Eric started the hula again.



Across the room, Omega and Pinzz reacted with horror as Eric danced with joy. Omega said something about needing to visit the astral plain to clease his mind while Pinzz just shrieked. She turned to Rosma and DragonGirl, who were studiously looking at each other to avoid looking at Eric. “I’m going to need therapy after this ridiculous party.”

“Speaking of therapy,” said Rosma, “has anyone seen Oreo recently?”



“She was outside with Violet, Scarlett, and Raven,” DragonGirl said. “They had a shovel.”

“I don’t even want to know what they’re burying, do I?”

"Probably not."

“Room’s clear! Thankfully,” Omega announced as Eric ran off.

Unfortunately for Xiao, Eric ran into the dining room next, where she was standing. She shrieked and jumped backwards into the curtains.

“FRED WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!”



“Who?”

“GET AWAY FROM ME! FRED! A LITTLE HELP HERE!”

"I believe you asked me not to interfere this evening," Fred whispered in her ear without materializing.

"I know, I know! But---ew!" Xiao shuddered while Eric moved on to his next victim and Fred laughed evilly.

***

“I think I found the perfect place,” Scarlett said, her hands on her hips. “We just have to test the ground stability.”

“What? Why?” Violet asked.



“For my surprise,” Scarlett nodded. “Rosma isn’t the only one who can plan things. And mine is more fun.”

"What is it?" Raven asked.

"That's the purpose of the surprise, Raven! But no one will be naked!"

Raven flinched at the word naked. "Thanks for that. And don't mention it again."



Scarlett hitched up her dress, cursing the invention of the hoop skirt, grabbed the shovel she had found in the garage, and started digging. After a few minutes, she nodded with satisfaction and pulled out her cell phone. “Hey, this is Scarlett. Yes, I checked down one foot and it is stable. Right. That’s what Hamlet said when he made the arrangements this morning. Right. Okay. Yes. Twenty minutes is great. Yes. Right. Thanks!”

She turned back to the other girls’ puzzled expressions, but didn’t answer their unasked questions about what was going on.

“In this particular case, what we need is someone who can freeze things. Then I wouldn’t have to rent what we need,” Scarlett said.

“Yeah, too bad none of us has that particular power,” Raven said. “We’ll have to put an ad in the paper or something.”

*** Rosma didn't notice the exclamations, cheers, and laughter coming from the backyard until after she finished paying the caterer. Rolling her eyes and wishing for the twenty-seventh time that night that she lived with people who were more responsible with things that did not belong to them, she risked a look out the nearest window. Then she shrieked and ran from the room, almost knocking one of the chefs into a cabinet of antique china.

"What are you doing?" she shouted, approaching what was obviously an ice rink. It was currently occupied by Scarlett, Raven, and Oreo while the rest of the group stood along the edges, watching with interest.

"Isn't this cool?" Pinzz asked.



"Cool? Violet said. "I've never heard you use that word before. Are you drunk?"

"Yes." Pinnz nodded. "Which is why I'm not out there skating. Unlike some people, I know my limits."

"Uh-huh."

The entire group suddenly cheered when Scarlett performed a complicated spinning move.



"How did she just do that in that dress?" Sticky asked. "I can hardly walk without tripping over my skirt and she's like some gold medal winner or something."

"Better question." Rosma said. "How on earth did she get a skating rink here? I didn't think they were portable."

Violet shrugged. "She dug a hole in the ground and then called someone. You missed the truck. Actually, you didn't miss all that much because it only took about five minutes to set up the whole thing. I don't even know how it happened, really. But it works!"

"Apparently."

***

"I'm bored," Fred said to Xiao, watching the girls make circles around the perimeter of the ice. Xiao was near the entrance of the rink, putting on a pair of skates for her turn. "This whole party is ridiculous."

"I still can't believe you didn't save me from Eric," Xiao complained. "You should take better care of your slave."

"I believe I was ordered not to show up tonight. But...if you've changed your mind..."

"Fred! No!" Xiao said, but it was too late. Fred took control of her body and literally threw himself into the skating rink. People cheered again, not realizing that Xiao was definitely not in control of the situation. In fact, she was a terrible skater, but this wasn't stopping Fred.



Fred spun, twirled, and speed-skated around the other girls while the Justice League applauded.

"Awesome, Xiao!" Studmuffin called when she performed a backflip with a perfect landing. "I didn't know you had the power of figure skating! This party was good for getting to know people! You're even better than Scarlett!"

Scarlett narrowed her eyes. There was no way Xiao was going to show her up on her own skating rink. "Hey! Xiao! Let's have a spin-off!"

"Fight! Fight!" X-Raytor said.

"No," Scarlett corrected. "Just a challenge."

"Okay," Fred said, using Xiao's voice. "I accept! The crowd chooses the winner."

Fred! No! Stop it! Xiao said internally.

Shut up, slave. And watch this.

Scarlett entered into another spinning move. Fred waited for exactly the right moment and then leapt straight at her. Xiao and Scarlett both crashed onto the ice.



"Hey!" Scarlett said, rubbing her elbow. "Xiao! What are you doing? Are you crazy?"

"Yeah, someone is going to get hurt," Rosma said from the sidelines.

"Right, mother," Fred said, this time using his own voice. "And Xiao isn't home right now."

"Fred?" Raven said, skating to the edge of the rink. "Isn't that right?"

"Yes, human. I'm in charge right now."

Scarlett's eyes widened. Oreo quickly skated over and offered her a hand. The two girls also skated to the railings next to Raven. Fred made Xiao climb to her feet, too.

"What are you doing?" SuperDude asked.

"Hey, I was just coming to the party! Although, I don't seem to remember getting an invitation."

"Considering that you are attached to a member of the team, I think you get an automatic invite."

"Of course," Fred forced Xiao's face into a grin. "But I don't have to be attached."

Fred materialized as a dark shadow next to Xiao on the ice. No longer under someone else's control, Xiao's feet slipped and she tumbled to the ice again. Fred smiled at the uneasy expressions on everyone's faces. Then he reached down and helped her up. Ice skates materialized on his feet and he started spinning them around in a circle.



"Xiao?" Violet asked. "Are you okay?"

Fred squeezed her hands a little tighter than was necessary and winked at her. "Yes!" she said. "It's fine. Fred just likes to skate. He was a little overexcited."

"If you say so," Rosma said, doubtfully.

"You all worry too much!" Fred said. "And I do apologize, Scarlett. It was all in good fun. You are a much better skater than me because my talents are rather supernatural."

"Well, it's okay. No real harm done," Scarlett frowned.

"Good! Now that's settled!" Fred continued to spin Xiao in a circle.

"Okay, this is awkward and all, so I'm going to have another drink!" Pinzz announced. "Anyone want to join me?"

"Might as well finish the last bottle," Rosma said. "We all have to leave soon, anyway."

"Yes!" Studmuffin said. "Great idea! Let's end the evening on a positive note. With a toast!"

The group started making its way back into the house. Violet rushed ahead to convince Isomorphix to join the toast. Oreo carefully avoided eye contact with Rosma, Sticky, X-Raytor, and Studmuffin by starting a conversation with SuperDude. Rosma cornered Scarlett, demanding to know what damage the ice rink was doing to the ground and just who exactly was going to make sure it was gone.

"You coming, Xiao? Um, Fred?" DragonGirl asked.

"It's so nice of you to offer, but I'm afraid I can't drink anything. But Xiao will be right there," Fred said, with fake sincerity.

***

"This isn't alcoholic!" Pinzz complained. "It's just sparkling cider!"

"Well, yes. The real alcohol left with the caterer and some of us, myself included, have no desire to feel awful in the morning."

"Oh, this is nothing," Pinzz waved a hand vaguely. "You should have seen me in Vegas. Now that was a great bachelorette party. Not that I knew the bride. I don't even think they noticed that I wasn't supposed to be there."

"Ahem," Studmuffin, who had been passing around the tray of champagne glasses, cleared his throat. "If I may?"



"Oh, go ahead," Rosma told him.

"I'd just like to start by saying how great it is to actually have a team. A few months ago, this was just an idea in my head and now here we all are, together. The Justice League. Of course, I always knew it was a brilliant idea because I'm the one who thought of it, and I'm not surprised by just how many of you agreed."

Pinzz rolled her eyes. "Get over yourself."

"Anyway," he continued. "I would like to toast to our friendships, old and new. Having a team of loyal friends comes with many benefits, if you know what I mean."

Rosma smacked him at the same time Oreo shuddered and Sticky winked at X-Raytor.

"And what I mean is that it's beneficial to work with people who understand you and who are like you. Our superpowers give us a special bond that no one else can understand. We're a fully-fledged super hero team, brimming with possibility, and I'm glad that we had this evening to grow even closer as a group. By trusting each other and having each other's backs, nothing will stop us. We're standing together, protecting the world. So here's to us and to our bright future! To the Justice League!"

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